April

12

2011

And Today’s Bad Mommy Award Goes To . . .

Filed under: Bad Mommy, Motherhood

To graffiti your pix go to Lunapic.com

 

I’m not usually a whiner. But I’m going to whine now. I’ve had the kind of day that makes you wonder if it’s possible to measure the infinite distance between your virtual self and who you really are. Online I look pretty good, but today that’s an illusion. I was a crap parent, okay? I started the day by picking a whopper of a fight w. my husband, and ended it with a Mommy melt-down of Biblical proportions in the evening, replete with a crying six-year-old, and a boat-load of Bad Mommy guilt.

It’s the buildup over time of the small, seemingly inconsequential things like saying no, then dealing with the aftermath, then feeling unappreciated, that make me lose it totally. These small things build up one by one throughout a day or a week and then blammo – I lose it, like I did tonight.

So what happened?

After school I stupidly took them for an I-Like-It sized marshmallow-cotton-candy-flavored ice cream with sprinkles on it, which every parent knows is really just crack for kids. Then we went to the toy store “just to browse.”(I know, I know, I was asking for it.) So of course Ella threw a wobbly when I told her we couldn’t buy the miniature toy wombat, and Fi kept repeating, “Can I have five dollars?” as if it was a mantra or something. I didn’t lose it then, but we fled the store and it all went to shit from there.

A Useful Parenting Hypothesis:

If A = Amt. of Junk Food, and B= Bad Shopping Experience at Store, and C = Incessant Whining, then it follows that:

A + B + C = IHM (INEVITABLE HUMUNGOUS MELTDOWN)

Fast-forward to bedtime. The kids were giggling and snarfling like hyenas, because they were still high on cotton-candy-marshmallow flavoring. They refused to get out of the shower unless I let them watch the rest of the Wild Kratts, which they said I had promised. I don’t think they noticed the Mommie Dearest look in my eyes, or that I was on the verge of using the Scary Mommy voice, and was growing horns. I took a deep breath and ordered them out of the shower with my lame-o, “I’m going to count to three!” threat (although to my credit, we’ve never gotten to 3 – thank goodness, because I have no idea what I would do if we ever did get to 3).

They got out but continued the hyenas-on-crack stuff. I was trying to get Ella’s wet feet into her Dora the Explorer underpants that are too small because they are a size 5, and simultaneously lecturing them about what a Good Mother I am, a fun mother, one who takes them for ice cream…but all they could remember was that I didn’t buy them a toy wombat.

That’s when Ella said, “You could always go back to California, Mommy. Then Daddy could buy us the wombat.”

 

If there was a video camera in that bathroom without sound like convenience stores have to monitor criminal activity, you would have seen me stop yanking at the now-wet Dora underpants, stand, and pitch those undies on the floor so hard that if they had been made of anything but 100% cotton, watch out! This got their attention, and the giggling stopped. Aware that my momtrum (mommy+tantrum, get it?) made me look ridiculous, I became infuriated and stomped out of the bathroom to get a pair of dry underpants. You heard me – I stomped. Like a four-year-old, oh yes I did.

Stomping down the hall I wondered if I am just a very bad mother. I was really good at the baby and toddler phase, but now that the fast-forward button has been pressed and we all seem to have been transported to the next phase, the one without any babies in it, the one that comes with opinionated, occasionally snarky individuals, I’m not so sure I’m suited-up enough to handle it. It’s easy to be lovey-dovey with infants and toddlers who think that sunbeams shoot perpetually out of your ass; it’s not as easy to parent them when they start voicing their own opinions, and hurling zingers at you when you are vulnerable. When they realize that there aren’t any sunbeams shooting out of your ass, after all.

I would like to say that I got a grip after that and on the crime scene video you’d see that we all lived happily ever after, but the truth is that I was too tired and too emotionally pureed to resurrect myself much at that point. I got them into their PJs, goose-stepped them to bed, hugged them too hard like my mom used to do with me whenever she felt guilty about something, and said good night.

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Comments

25 Responses | TrackBack URL | Comments Feed

  1. This is good timing then..

    I have given you The Versatile Blogger Award.

    You can find it here: The Versatile Blogger…OMG, It’s Me!

    Congrats!

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    • Thank you, thank you!
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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    • PS: Does this cancel out my Bad Mommy Award? And the fact that I was removed from the Hot Mamas Twitter list? (-:
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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      • What? That is horrible, why would they do that?

        Yes, btw, it does all that. Enjoy
        xoxo

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  2. Oh dear. I had one of those weeks last week…and I totally threaten with the 1, 2, 3 and hope it never gets to 3….it does sometimes. Not a fun time for anyone. Hope today is better!!!
    Twitter: januarydawn1

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    • Hey it could only go up from where it went last night. Thanks January. PS: Glad to see your blog now has a Facebook page!
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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  3. I get to three all the time! and start all over. I’m such a push over. I have “momtrum’s” (love that by the way) with a three yr old and one yr old what the hell am I going to do when they are older? Perhaps I should go to California and let daddy deal with what is soon to be.

    As fas ar our dinners- The hubby, Jackson and I are finished in 20 minutes. It takes Addison 1 1/2 hours to finish her dinner. By that point I am usually in the kitchen doing dishes and the hubs has Jackson in the bath. I. Hate. Dinner time!

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    • Yes, the answer is always Yes, go to California!
      Why does it take her so long to finish her dinner? My goodness – is she having a five course meal or something? We are more like a school of pirhannas (which I don’t know how to spell btw).
      I love “momtrum” too, and thought it was v. witty.
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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  4. Hi Ado!
    I’m so sorry you’re having a rough time fresh back from vacation. Take a deep breath. (And sip your favorite mind-numbing beverage.) It will get worse before it gets better.
    Twitter: WendySMarcus

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    • Re-entry can be rough! Better now.
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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  5. So glad I’m not the only one. Mommy guilt sucks. I have enough other guilt already. And I’m not even Catholic. And the Mommy guilt seems to be worse before bed and when rushing off to school and work. Let me know if there is a good therapist out there for us :)

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    • Ha! I’m not Catholic either. Yes – the guilt creeps in like dry rot through the mundane activities because we find them so boring (time to put your socks on! where’s your jacket? where is your other shoe? Let’s get in the CAR! etc.) – it all comes w. the guilt, free of charge…
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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  6. Aw hugs!! We all have crappy Mom days. I’ve had several and I’m still in toddler-dom!

    I usually award myself some ice-cream to ward off some of that guilt :-)

    Damn I was going to give you that Versatile Blogger award. Do you want 2?
    Twitter: MamaWantsThis

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    • Oh my goodness, that is so kind of you. I am not quite sure what to say b/c I have in the last two days gotten two Versatile Blogger awards. I am planning to write a piece on it/them in 2 days – hmmm…if you give me one as well – I could use this in the post and I dare say it would be humorous. (-: I leave it up to you. PS: What do you think I was doing at the ice cream shop in the first place? I took them there because I needed chocolate peanut butter ice cream (which we all know is…drum roll please! crack cocaine for Mommies). So yes, I got me some ice cream…thanks. (-:
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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      • Oh ice-cream. I should write an ode to it.

        Yes, I would love to see a piece on The Versatile Blogger thing! It’s like a prettily packaged Blog Hop isn’t it? :-)
        Twitter: MamaWantsThis

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  7. When I read Ella’s Cali/Daddy comment, all I could think is, “Oh no she didn’t.”

    I’m sorry you had such a crap day. Hopefully tomorrow is better.

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    • Oh yes she did, and you know her so you know the sting that child has in her verbal Scorpio tail! I think she’s coming down w. something like strep again b/c she never says mean stuff like that unless she’s unwell. But man it was awful! PS: I love you my ECBFF.
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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  8. Every day I question my parenting license. Some days I can’t even believe my husband still talks to me after the way I treat him. We all have our days – trust me ;-)

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  9. I hate days like that. Good thing they end, eh? Hope your today is better.

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  10. The more time our kids spend with us, the more they know exactly what will push our buttons. Ouch! We’ve all been there (over and over). We had large doses of ice cream last night (free cone day @ Ben & Jerry’s), and it ended well, but could have gone the other way.

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    • And your ice cream was free.
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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  11. Completely. Relate. Let’s just leave it there. ;-)
    Twitter: S_Supermommy

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    • This means I’m not alone! What. A. Relief.
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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  12. I feel like I’m looking in a mirror. Especially the going to the toy store part…pure self torture! But you’re making me giggle to tears reading this. I love it.
    Twitter: HaydensHope4FOP

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