Make a To Do list. Immediately lose it. Make replacement To Do list. Write “Make replacement To Do list” on it just so you can cross it off. Google “OCD for list makers” – make list of what comes up. Betray stylist by grabbing box of hair dye at Safeway because you are in a rush. Accidentally dye your brown hair BLACK and have your husband refer to you as ‘Cher’ when you finally come out of bathroom. At a BBQ, let Ella go down slide carrying a plate of cous-cous which sprays the yard when she hits the bottom. Ask hostess if you can use her Dyson to vacuum lawn before leaving abruptly. Get caught by children playing air guitar to Flock of Seagulls.
Announce to family that you are giving up coffee tomorrow. When tomorrow comes do not give up coffee. Bring Ella with you to Starbucks. Order a Grande Skim Cap while Ella shouts: BUT YOU TOLD US YOU WERE GIVING UP COFFEE TODAY, MOMMY. YOU PROMISED!! Smile at people in line who are staring at you like you are an abusive mother, but in a Bridget-Jones-caught-outside-in-the-snow wearing just her skivvies kind of way. Speeding out of Starbucks parking lot, jump on brakes, propelling scalding coffee backwards to spill on floor of backseat, narrowly missing child. Too sheepish to return to Starbucks and re-order, stop by gas station on way home and refill cup.
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