This is a link-up with Stasha’s Monday Listicles over at one of my fave blogs, The Good Life. This week’s topic: Yin Yang, a mother’s perspective.
Yin Yang represents two energies which cause everything to happen – “yin” is black and “yang” is white: opposites that can’t exist without each other.
Well. Here are some of my Yin Yang conundrums.
Yin: I love American Idol —–> Yang: We don’t watch TV.
I love American Idol (and any low-bottom, late-night trash reality TV or anything to do with murder and abduction, frankly) but I saw the impact TV was beginning to have on my kids so this past June, I murdered our TV.
It wasn’t easy. (I had to go through three nights of Nancy Grace withdrawals.)
When I called Comcast and asked them to disconnect me from the Mothership it was a request that happens so rarely they didn’t seem to understand.
Me: “I’d like to disconnect my cable please.”
Comcast Guy: “Excuse me?”
Me: “I’d like to disconnect my cable.”
Comcast Guy: “Is there a problem with your service?”
Me: “No.”
Comcast Guy: <Incredulous, prolonged silence.>
Me: “Hello?”
Comcast Guy: “Well – I mean – can you tell me why you want to disconnect?”
Me: “I’m pretty sure you don’t want to get me started.”
Comcast Guy: “I need to put something in the report.”
Me: “Write that I have a 9 year old daughter and iCarly had a 14-year-old girl making out on a couch with a 17-year-old boy. Write that I’m creeped-out by the way billion dollar companies with names like KidPower are sitting around a conference table right now trying to figure out ways to market to the new demographic they call “Closet Children” – 7 to 9-year-old girls who want to shop at Limited Too and ‘look grown up’ but who secretly play with dolls when they come home…because they don’t want anyone to know they’re actually children.”
Comcast Guy: “i-what?”
Me: “iCarly. Write that my 6-year-old asked if we could go for a swim at 1-800-Beaches, and told me “We need to buy some OxyClean from the television.”
Comcast Guy: “.”
Me: “Look, I don’t have to tell you why I want to disconnect from The Mothership. Just disconnect me, Darth.”
Comcast Guy: “I don’t think I am authorized to do anything about this. I’m going to transfer you to our CUSTOMER LOYALTY DEPARTMENT.” (Ha!)
I thought he was going to say “May the force be with you,” because in his mind I was traveling to the Dark Side – the place where they have no ads for Cocoa Puffs and Nintendo game stations.
Maybe it was all the hoopla over my first Lands’ End Post, or the sequel to it - maybe it’s that my daughters are old enough now to use a remote and to be influenced by Hanna Montana and advertisers, but I’ve been looking at the world differently – with a critical Yin Yang eye, a mother-of-a-tweenaged-daughter-eye, and I do not like what I see.
Yin: We are a boob-centric society —–> Yang: But breast feeding is “controversial.”
We are a boob-centric society. You’ve got places like Hooter’s that are basically named after well, hooters, becoming normalized to the point that families now go there to eat. You’ve got T & A all over the place, on magazine covers, on Reality TV shows like Real Housewives where it’s normal for women to have silicon breast implants – basically everywhere you look there are boobs.
But…
Breast feeding in public is still controversial. WTF?!
Yin: America is a democracy that values human rights —-> Yang: But in America women are still getting kicked off buses for breast feeding their babies.
Last year this mom was kicked off a plane for breast feeding her baby. In June, this mom was kicked off a bus by a female bus driver for breast feeding. I’m disappointed that stories like these still regularly appear in the news.
So you go to the women’s department at the mall and buy something called a Hooter’s Hider, ironically. Or you buy something equally ridiculous, a My Brest Friend:
Then you come out of the women’s department at the mall having purchased a port-a-tent to hide your breasts (God forbid someone should get a look-see at your nipple)…and you walk right by a Victoria’s Secret store. It’s got life-sized posters of well, boobs hanging out all over the place where your daughters can see them:
It just doesn’t seem fair.
Yin: If you are a discreet mom breast feeding in a restaurant —–> Yang: You might be asked to hide in the bathroom.
If you should breast feed in a restaurant, like I did at P.F. Chang’s Bistro in Rockville, Maryland with my newborn – the manager came over to me (I was under a blanket, it was huge and I was very discreet – but that’s beside the point). He said, “We thank you in advance for your discretion, and if you would like to use the restroom to nurse I can show you where it is.”
I was so mortified, to be singled out like that.
Warning: Dangerous Nursing Mother
There was a woman at the table beside us who was wearing a trashy, low-cut decollatage, you know? Why didn’t they escort her to hide herself in the bathroom stall so the other diners didn’t have to look at her?
This same thing happened to me twice in Maryland, so after that I went underground – I’d nurse in my car, the restroom, or at home. That’s pretty sad.
Yin: We can go into Safeway at any hour of the day and buy our children all the food we can possibly feed them —–> Yang: At the check out they see tabloids that teach them to judge themselves according to how skinny they are.
At every checkout, at eye-level where my daughters can see them, are tabloids and magazine covers teaching girls that they are worth about as much as the ground beef in the meat section, because the world is going to judge them by their weight, too. Photos like this:
Dear Manager of Safeway,
Do you think you could move the magazines from your check-out stands where kids can see them back into the magazine aisle so they don’t have to think about shit like eating disorders, how fat they are, and plastic surgery? Just a thought.
Yours, Ado
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Wonderful post. I am personally sickened by the societal expectation to starve yourself in order to be considered attractive. I hate that we are forced to look at (and told to look like) models that have not only starved themselves, but then been Photoshopped to look even thinner. I hate the plastic surgery industry as a whole, with the exception of surgery to correct disfigurement due to an accident or other uncontrollable circumstance. I hate that I can’t walk down the street anymore without seeing either fake boobs, fake lips, or way-too-smooth-to-be-natural faces. I hate that natural beauty is punished.
Thank you for doing your best to uphold your children as the beautiful people that they are.
Elizabeth, thank you for your comments. My mom was a beautiful woman who was never more than 5 lbs. overweight if that. She believed all the tabloid crap about what she was supposed to look like – never really seeing the true beauty that she was. I watched her suffer first with bulimia and then anorexia. She was on a diet my whole life, and was never overweight either. So – this is a topic that is really close to my heart, now that my oldest daughter is officially a “tween” and I’m seeing the world thru her growing-up eyes, and I’m going to do all in my power to shield her from all of this horrendous bullshit.
Ah those contradictions. The boobs-are-everywhere-except-for-when-they’re-doing-what-they’re-supposed-to thing makes me nuts. Do people really think they’re decorative inflation toys and not those handy-dandy things used to keep babies alive? I have to say that I am frequently wistful about the fact that I have two sons and no daughter (and the baby-making machinery is CLOSED)…but when I think about all the crap circulating around fashion and body images, I close my eyes and think “thank god.” (But yes, I know that body image problems circulate among boys too, just not quite as readily)
Great post. Thanks
Yeah – I don’t think it’s as prevalent with boys but the way things are going now (have you noticed the big rise in sales to men of men’s cosmetics in the last 5 years?) who knows what the future holds for boys. Also though, this sort of tabloid crap at checkouts gets noticed and read by the boys and young men too – maybe not consciously – but they will see it there and it gets imprinted in their little psyches somewhere too – and teaches them about what’s acceptable to print about women’s bodies, and about breasts – I’m not a psychologist but I imagine on some level this contributes to attitudes about girls and women in general.
What a greta list my friend! I whole hearthedly agree with all. We have no cable. We stream shows via Netflix for my son and that is that. But I had a similar conversation with comcast when we were setting up our Internet. but the is a package with cable, but I don’t want it. But it is only $5 more. But I don’t want it….
Sitting on a bench that folded over a toilet in NY Zoo was one of the lowest points of my motherhood. Who expect a child to eat where others poop? I had my son in UK and visiting US for a few weeks was the only time I felt uncomfortable nursing in public. It is a shame!
And don’t get me started on the body image! I just hope my son will never be susceptible to this. If he chooses a girl that stores most of her best features in a drawer at night or is paying back a loan for her boobs, I will need a lot of umbrella drinks to swallow his choice with.
Stasha – I believe that a son gets the way he respects or disrespects women from his relationship with his mother. Every male I know who is a mysoginist or effed up somehow in regards to relationships has a fractured, effed up relationship with his mother. So – in your case, with a strong woman like you as his mother and a role model for women, I doubt very much he’s going to go for the beauty-in-the-drawer type. You will still need lots of umbrella drinks, no matter who she is though! (-:
Thank you. Blushing. This calls for two umbrella drinks, pronto!
I love this. I’ve complained about the breast-feeding hypocrisy myself. I fed my babies, discreetly, wherever we were if they were hungry. And you know what, I wouldn’t want to eat in a germy bathroom, nor would I expect my infant to.
Another good post. Call them like you see them.
Thanks Christine. You know what’s interesting though is we are all mentioning that “we were DISCREETLY breast feeding” – as if indiscreet breast feeding might in itself be wrong, when really it wouldn’t be, you know?
Are you really this witty off the cuff? Let’s hang out so it can rub off on me. (Talking about the cable guy convo).
I’m not that witty off-the cuff Jennie, this was edited and I am a fiction writer so, for example, I didn’t call Mr. Comcast “Darth” nor did I bore him with all the iCarly stuff. But all the rest happened. (-: He was nice, but baffled.
This makes me glad all over again that (a) we got rid of cable 6 months ago and (b) you speak up (said it before…. you’re a hero to all girls!) I hate the way you (universal) can never be too fat or too thin or someone will comment. Sickening. And the pressure just gets worse and worse for girls (and women) from each other and from teachers and coaches and from other parents, even complete strangers. We’ve all had it happen, and TV is the tip of the iceberg. I just don’t get why we as women put up with it? (p.s. I am SHOCKED about the PF Chang story. Unbelievable!)
When I lived in California I did not have one single incident where anyone gave me the Stink Eye for NIP or anything, ever. Then w. our 2nd I moved to the E. Coast and not only did I get the “we appreciate your discretion” spiel (which was downright RUDE) at P.F. Chang’s I got it in one other restaurant too. People can say what they like about California but I felt so supported there as a nursing mom – and on the E. Coast, not at all.
awesome rant/list. the comcast story is hysterical; the breastfeeding one, notsomuch!
Wonderful post. I never even tried to breastfeed in public, because I worried that I wouldn’t be able to adequately conceal my DD boobs to avoid catching shit from ignorant, backwards people. I agree about the kids’ shows, too. The one that really grosses me out is “Victorious,” which is also on Nick, which features the teenage star singing a song to a boy with the lyric “you’ll be begging on your knees for me.” Um… begging for what, exactly?!
I haven’t seen Victorious and neither has my daughter and I’m glad. I’m sorry that you had to go underground nursing because of people’s ignorance. That just isn’t right.
Oh my goodness…I can’t believe the nursing thing!!! What the heck is wrong with people!! It’s not like you’re whipping your boobs out to flash the other people.
I know! Wasn’t even whipping them out! And if I remember correctly, it was winter and I was wearing a big turtleneck, too. Jeez.
WOW! This post just made my “Favorite Posts” list on my blog’s side-bar. I love the passion you’ve put into writing this post; it’s a topic close to my heart, and one day I’d like my daughters to read this post. I fear our society is turning more toward the projection of the human body as a sex symbol rather than as a symbol of mother nature and nurturer for new life. And the TV connects it all together. I’m so grateful we don’t have cable, we cancelled it shortly after getting married, so the only time our daughters see TV (like Nick Jr. + commercials) is at the grandparents’ houses. When the cable guy came to our door asking me to buy a package he was literally speechless when I said no. And when he asked why and I said because I hate TV, I hate what’s on TV, and I find it incredibly boring, his only response was to take his shaking hand, circle a package, and fling the flyer in my face before running off. I think in his eyes I was a possessed woman or an alien or contagious
So I LOVE this post!!!! I’m honored to put it on my favorite post list!
Thank you, Kim – I’m honored in return that you’d post it on your list of fave posts, and especially that you’d want your daughters to read it one day when they’re older. (-:
I am sorry to learn that you’ve decided to discontinue your Comcast service. If you decide to come back, I am here to help. I work for Comcast.
I also wanted to apologize if you were not made aware by our agent that you can block the channels, even ratings of the shows/movies that you don’t want your kids to see.
Best regards,
Mark Casem
Comcast Corp.
National Customer Operations
We_can_help@cable.comcast.com
Hi Mark from Comcast,
It’s almost spooky how quickly companies swoop in when a mom blogger posts something that mentions a company name. I appreciate your comment – I don’t have a problem with Comcast at all, and I was aware there are programs you can filter out for us but my problem is with with my own inability to moderate my own late-night TV habit, and it’s with all the advertising aimed at children, and the ads for drugs (like Viagra, or fat-slimming pills, or anti-depressants etc. aimed at adults – the ones that chirpily list “death” or “sudden cardiac arrest” as a possible side effect at the end of the ad…I mean seriously, have we all gone totally nuts that this shit is on our TV set piped into our homes every single day?) So – my problem is not with Comcast, Mark. It’s with society in general and I’m afraid you can’t really help me with that one. But I do appreciate your commenting.
PS: My husband says to mention to you that it’s unfair that Comcast raises your Internet usage rates when you disconnect your television cable, and well – I agree with him.
This society is warped. Malaysians stare unabashedly if a woman breastfeeds in public, even covered up. But they don’t bat an eyelash at some sluttily dressed TWEEN. Wait, what?
I completely agree…it makes no sense that we can see breasts everywhere but can’t see them being used for their intended purpose. Nothing wrong with watching animals nurse their young, though. That’s nature.
I’m not ready to kill my television. But I’ve just completed 3 months or a ‘break’ from it. I got a little upset yesterday when I found out ‘The Closer’ is back on and I’ve been missing it. I also miss all the shows you mentioned…some reality tv and a bunch of true crime type shows. When I start watching it again…it will be limited.
I feel very blessed to live in an area where breastfeeding in public isn’t that taboo. I have nursed my girls in quite a few places with barely a glance. However, I know that this is not the norm, and it frankly pisses me off!
Nice rant here with the Yin Yang theme. I should think of killing my TV too – I can’t stand my kids bugging me to watch it all the time.
I’m still self concious about nursing in public simply because there are a lot of Malaysian weirdos who’ll stare at you hoping to catch a glimpse of your nipple – they are a deprived lot over here. But I am all for the right to breastfeed in public.
That’s funny – Alison said the same thing about breast feeding in Malaysia. Sounds like it’s even more widespread there.
Sometimes I wish I was brave enough to murder our TV. My oldest loves watching it when I let her.
I can’t believe they suggested to show you the restroom at P.f. Changs, especially since you had a blanket on.
I couldn’t believe it either.
Ado – that was some list! My husband and I recently downgraded our internet to basic cable…we found we were glued to the TV. This way – not so much. Although I do miss ESPN during football season! I’m sorry to hear you were embarrassed when you nursed your baby….which is a beautiful, natural thing. Unlike the surgically enhanced, overly photo shopped women of lingerie stores!
Can I just say I agree on ALL of the above points you made?
1) On disconnecting from the mother ship: WOW. You are one brave, self-sacrificing and dedicated mother. And I mean that sincerely. You’ve put me to shame because here I am, complaining about all the ‘wrong’ things about TV today, and yet if someone were to tell me to disconnect my cable, I’d probably start to hyperventilate, have a panic attack, and then pretended I didn’t hear that little comment. But ask me again in a few years when Miss Chatterbox (aka my 7 yr old daughter) might no longer be as accommodating to my rules as she is now.
2) On matters concerning boobies and breastfeeding: COULDN’T HAVE SAID IT BETTER! To put it crudely, boobies exposure is OK as long as it’s for the purpose of male ogling. Breastfeeding, or even wardrobe malfunction, is not OK because they don’t serve any ogling purposes. Doesn’t this just want to make you shout all kinds of really bad nasty expletives?
3) On tabloids being displayed for people of all ages at the cashier counters: the society as a whole should start being more children-sensitive the same way it started being more ‘politically-correct.’ It’s not gonna be perfect but at least it’s a start. More parents should make their voices heard, raising issues and awareness about keeping our environment ‘child-friendly’ in every sense. The same way environmentalists continue to fight for going green, the same way women rallied against sexual harassments, the same way activists fought for equality. Only then we’ll be able to see changes that we want to see.
This is such an insightful post. I’d mail it to the newspapers if I were you. xoxo.
Thanks Sweaty! (-: I found, strangely, that the idea of giving up TV was – for me – more difficult than actually giving it up. I dreaded it for myself – because I got into that late-night habit of zoning out to something stupid like Reality TV, or something that made me paranoid, like Nancy Grace/48 Hours – and I imagined my kids were more attached to it than they really were. In reality it was super easy for us all to let it go – once it was gone we moved onto other things. I probably had a harder time of it than the kids. Now we don’t even think about it.
You know, my local grocery store has a “Family Aisle” – they have no tabloids in that aisle. When the checker told us about it, I laughed and said, “Wouldn’t it be easier to just not sell trashy tabloids?”
Wow, this is fantastic. My favourite Listicle for sure. You sure put a lot into this. Best and worthy rant I have read in ages.
xoxoxoxoxo
I realize I am little late to the game here (work has started and it is seriously hindering my blog reading and twitter time… how dare it) I do however read everyone of your posts … time to comment is another thing.
You are such an eliquent story teller and passionate mommy. I admire you for that. Your rambles are not just rambles… well they generally have me on the floor in stitches at some point… but seriously they are well thought out, strong stances in what you believe in!
I love your story about the TV and canceling cable. And I could not agree more with you about our society and boobs… breasts!!! We are all so very prude and send a backwards message. I truly enjoy every visit here! -Laverne
Shopping tip: The Chevy Chase Supermarket off Connecticut Ave. has no tabloids or candy at their registers. I know it’s not exactly in your neck-of-the-woods, but just thought I should give a shout out to such a Mommy/family-friendly place.
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