D. called me from work today to tell me that a colleague had told him to deep-fat fry the turkey this year, in peanut oil.
Me: ”Where’s this colleague from, Appalachia?”
Him: “It sounds Hillbilly, but I’m telling you it’s the next big thing in Thanksgiving trends. It just hasn’t caught on yet.”
Thanksgiving is the day after tomorrow. He doesn’t even have the turkey yet and now he wants to change it up, disrupt the status quo and deep-fat fry a twenty-pound bird. And light the house on fire.
I told him to go for it – partly because the idea of changing up our same old bird routine at the last minute is dangerous and exciting, but mostly because it would be excellent blog-fodder.
When I tweeted about it,
…the die-hard deep-fried turkey tweeps came out of hiding to tell me how yummy it is, how you can “fry other, random things” in the oil too, like Snickers bars (!) and stuffing balls (?), and to give me tips on how to cook it safely because apparently it’s very dangerous and foolhardy:
- “do it outside,”
- “DO NOT do it on a wooden deck,”
- “don’t cover it – this is why a lot of them explode,”
- “make sure you have a fire extinguisher handy,”
- “don’t baste it or it’ll ignite – inject it with spices instead”
I’ve never eaten a fried Snickers bar or even heard of deep-fried turkey (or gallon-jugs of peanut oil at Target). Talk about changing it up, baby! It’s a whole new, deep-fat fried, combustible world…
He came home from Target with:
- the last deep-fat turkey frier in the store, possibly in the entire DC metro area (either that or no one buys them so we bought the only fryer)
- the last two gallons of peanut oil in stock, and
- a fire extinguisher
When Fiona saw him all wild-eyed and pleased with himself from battling the last-minute Thanksgiving shoppers, and muttering about how he needed to find something to inject the turkey with, she said, “Why does he need a fire extinguisher? I’m scared.”
After the kids were in bed, I asked if he was going to get a backup turkey in case the kids didn’t like it or it exploded or something. I tweeted his response, because this deep-fried turkey drama is that good:
So my friend Elizabeth from The Bare Midriff (who knows how to cook, and how to deep-fat fry large birds and Snickers bars) emailed me some useful how-to and safety tips.
D. went off to see if he could find something “sharp and poky.”
I’m not making this up: he wanted to know where the needle and syringe kit was for an old IVF kit. He was rummaging around the house looking for it. Was he planning to shoot the bird up with Clomid, Pregnyl, and turkey rub?
Stay tuned for episode two of Turkey With a Side of Fire Extinguisher: Towering Inferno.
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