D. called me from work today to tell me that a colleague had told him to deep-fat fry the turkey this year, in peanut oil.
Me: ”Where’s this colleague from, Appalachia?”
Him: “It sounds Hillbilly, but I’m telling you it’s the next big thing in Thanksgiving trends. It just hasn’t caught on yet.”
Thanksgiving is the day after tomorrow. He doesn’t even have the turkey yet and now he wants to change it up, disrupt the status quo and deep-fat fry a twenty-pound bird. And light the house on fire.
I told him to go for it – partly because the idea of changing up our same old bird routine at the last minute is dangerous and exciting, but mostly because it would be excellent blog-fodder.
When I tweeted about it,
…the die-hard deep-fried turkey tweeps came out of hiding to tell me how yummy it is, how you can “fry other, random things” in the oil too, like Snickers bars (!) and stuffing balls (?), and to give me tips on how to cook it safely because apparently it’s very dangerous and foolhardy:
- “do it outside,”
- “DO NOT do it on a wooden deck,”
- “don’t cover it – this is why a lot of them explode,”
- “make sure you have a fire extinguisher handy,”
- “don’t baste it or it’ll ignite – inject it with spices instead”
I’ve never eaten a fried Snickers bar or even heard of deep-fried turkey (or gallon-jugs of peanut oil at Target). Talk about changing it up, baby! It’s a whole new, deep-fat fried, combustible world…
He came home from Target with:
- the last deep-fat turkey frier in the store, possibly in the entire DC metro area (either that or no one buys them so we bought the only fryer)
- the last two gallons of peanut oil in stock, and
- a fire extinguisher
When Fiona saw him all wild-eyed and pleased with himself from battling the last-minute Thanksgiving shoppers, and muttering about how he needed to find something to inject the turkey with, she said, “Why does he need a fire extinguisher? I’m scared.”
After the kids were in bed, I asked if he was going to get a backup turkey in case the kids didn’t like it or it exploded or something. I tweeted his response, because this deep-fried turkey drama is that good:
So my friend Elizabeth from The Bare Midriff (who knows how to cook, and how to deep-fat fry large birds and Snickers bars) emailed me some useful how-to and safety tips.
D. went off to see if he could find something “sharp and poky.”
I’m not making this up: he wanted to know where the needle and syringe kit was for an old IVF kit. He was rummaging around the house looking for it. Was he planning to shoot the bird up with Clomid, Pregnyl, and turkey rub?
Stay tuned for episode two of Turkey With a Side of Fire Extinguisher: Towering Inferno.
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Haha!! It’s the kind of foolhardy thing my husband would do. Especially if one was to tell him he can’t.
Good luck!!
Ww will need it! Thanks Alison.
I cannot wait to find out what happens!
Neither can I.
Are you guys serious?!! I’ve seen videos of how disastrous frying a turkey can get. I will pray for you.
I’ve seen them too and now I’m worried for us. He’s out at Target looking for a Hazmat suit.
OMG you guys are brave! (And a little bit nuts
) Good luck with the turkey – I hope it doesn’t blow up your house – or the neighborhood… 
but you are right – excellent blog fodder 
Happy Thanksgiving!
I thought of another tip – don’t worry when it comes out looking a bit…charred. It has been fried, after all. That web link I sent you had an interesting idea – cooking the dark and white meat separately. You might want to give that a try, since the breast meat does typically dry out because it doesn’t take as long to cook as the dark meat. As long as you’re safe about it, you’ll be FINE and your kids will get to talk about lowering an animal carcass into boiling oil – priceless!
Thanks for all the tips Elizabeth I’m coming over to your house tomorrow when it blows.
God forbid- don’t cover it up! I’m still laughing at the thought of an exploding turkey!
Happy T day!
Can you just imagine? What if it shoots off and lands on the neighbor’s roof?
Uh. Next time brine the damn turkey. It’s safe, delicious, healthy and the opposite of a dangerous fire is involved (salt water)…therefore you don’t risk BURNING DOWN YOUR GD HOUSE AND SETTING YOUR HAIR ON FIRE!!!! But good luck to you. I’m looking forward to episode two…and praying for your lives.
I’m not going anywhere near the frying contraption and neither r the girls. I’m downright scared of it.
Make sure it’s not frozen! It’ll explode. It’s really really dangerous, so make sure you leave it out over night.
Also calculate your bird size to fry time very carefully. My brother did this a few years ago and decided an extra two minutes was fine. It ended up like the bird in “Christmas Vacation” with Chevy Chase – dry as a bone. Funnily enough, it took the 25 pound bird down to a 15 pound bird size.
Be careful and have fun!
It’s amazing how dangerous a deep fried turkey can be…but done properly, they are AMAZING! I live here in the South and it’s extremely popular! Best of luck…I’m sure you’ve read all the tips and dos and don’ts there are….
Just keep a fire extinguisher handy nearby
Good luck!
Well, I can’t wait to hear how it goes! Good luck. We’ve never tried to deep fry a turkey – mostly because I like it too much my traditional way. Happy Thanksgiving!
You need to use fire extinguisher.Thanks for sharing tttttall the useful tips..Happy thanks giving day!
Lol, an exploding turkey is for sure the worst happening thin on Thanksgiving… But I laugh a lot, imaging it. I hope that everything will go the best way, calmly and quietly:)
I thought deep frying everything was a Scottish tradition for centuries. Your dad would be proud. So now I get to go and see how this ended.
You might want to give that a try, since the breast meat does typically dry out because it doesn’t take as long to cook as the dark meat. Well, I can’t wait to hear how it goes! You need to use fire extinguisher.Thanks for sharing tttttall the useful tips..Happy thanks giving day! Also calculate your bird size to fry time very carefully.
These one is unique and different from what I know, I think its great to do it also. Lol
I thought deep frying everything was a Scottish tradition for centuries. Can you just imagine?