The video is eye-opening.
Six months ago we did the unthinkable: we killed our TV.
Gasp! ——-> I know!
I still can’t believe we actually did it.
We didn’t just unplug it. We didn’t just turn it off, or hide the remote controls. We took it off life support – we called Comcast and jumped through their labyrinth of poodle hoops to get the cable disconnected. This was an odyssey in itself, since Comcast hardly receives any requests to disconnect from the Mothership, so they weren’t sure how to process our request. In the end, they transferred us to the ironically-named Customer Loyalty Department.
I can’t pinpoint exactly what made me finally summon the courage to shut the whole thing down. We had even bought a new flat-screen. I loved my late-night TV habit, which I unapologetically referred to as “me-time.” I did not want to get rid of the TV, which is why it took me a year to finally come to terms with the idea. Our decision came out of the cumulative experiences that had been collecting and settling themselves on my mommy-consciousness during that final year.
My oldest daughter was 9 and morphing into a tween – and tween TV programming is a far cry from PBS Kids. It’s one thing to be in the room with your child, controlling which program they’re watching, fast-forwarding through the commercials – watching shows like Zaboomafoo, Sesame Street, or (my favorite) Little Bear. All good.
But when your tween begins to wield the remote without you, television becomes a different experience entirely. I started grappling with the uncomfortable feeling that someone else was in the house with my children. Influencing them.
Making them want things.
Hypnotizing them.
Hard-wiring their developing brains into little capitalist shoppers.
I am against the commercialization of childhood and marketing to children, yet suddenly there were commercials in our house. I had assumed Disney was age-appropriate, then one day I sat with my tween to watch an episode of iCarly (her favorite show) and to my amazement saw a 14-year-old girl on a couch making out with a 17-year-old boy. Then I watched an episode of Hannah Montana. Go ahead and call me prude, but as a parent the ‘adultification’ of the Disney girls unnerved me. The look of admiration on my tween’s face as she watched these shows unnerved me, too.
In my world, a 14-year-old is still a child. When I was 14, I had only just stopped playing – secretly – with dolls. I know that times have changed, but one thing I’m not going to do is give advertisers free reign in my home to influence how my daughters think.
Soon after the iCarly episode, Ella, 6, said:
- “I know how you can get that stain out of the carpet – you need to buy some Oxyclean!” and,
- “Can we go to 1-800-Beaches?”
I ran to call Comcast. Suddenly I couldn’t get it disconnected fast enough. Something in the way she repeated the ads – with such conviction – disturbed me.
Aside from programming kids to robotically want stuff, my other fears about TV are:
- how girls and women are valued for being pin-thin stick insects,
- how much gratuitous violence there is,
- how violence is normalized,
- how aging is portrayed as something bad to be avoided,
- how drug companies have free reign to push drugs during the primetime news,
- how the brain becomes a receptacle when a child watches TV and stops functioning – eyes glaze over, and real thinking slows to a trickle.
No, thanks.
So I disconnected our cable.
It wasn’t easy – I loved TV. But I’d gotten into the habit of turning it on at night after the girls fell asleep. I’d watch low-end, late-night tabloid news – stuff that makes you phobic about being in underground parking garages after dark. I watched murder and abduction stories on Nancy Grace.
I couldn’t be trusted to turn on NatGEO or The Discovery Channel – like a bottom feeder, I’d go straight for the low-end shows, Celebrity Rehab and Teen Mom. I could feel myself dumbing down, my brain cells atrophying while I sat like a troll in the dark, glued to the box.
No, thanks.
So we got rid of it. It was one of the best parenting decisions we have made.
The kids adjusted fine – but I went through Idol withdrawals.
I get my commercial-free news from NPR and BBC in the car. And I need to say that I’m really not parsimonious and judgmental about families who watch TV. It’s just that I was getting to the point where I was unable to moderate it – so I did something about it.
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Well done. Since I started writing, I’ve stopped watching all TV. I wish we could get rid of it, but my husband watches a lot of sports. My 7yo son could watch TV all day. My daughter? Not so much. Sigh…
Twitter: LShirtliffe
Thanks Leanne. (-:
Twitter: Adothemomalog
I know exactly what you meant by child consumerism! At home, I’ve programmed our TVs to only showing news and Playhouse Disney (the Disney channel targeted for youngest audience, so it doesn’t have iCarly, Hannah Montana or the likes). I didn’t realize it until we went to London recently, and while staying at the hotel, there wasn’t much channels to choose from. So we settled with one channel that seemed to be less adult than the rest. Within a few days, I noticed Miss Chatterbox was pointing at toys to me, telling me all kinds of info about them. I was like, huh? How did she know? One morning, as we were sitting eating breakfast in bed while watching TV, I noticed for the first time just how often advertisements came up in the so-called children television! It’s scary!! Even scarier knowing how quickly children got affected by them!
Twitter: dosweatthesmall
They actually have really good kids programming over there (it’s hit or miss though what you get) —> I LOVE “The Hoobs” – Hoobalicious! Wish we had that here, but then again now that we don’t watch TV even if we did have it here we wouldn’t get so see it…
Twitter: Adothemomalog
I did the same thing last year. I kept Netflix so I could watch tv shows without commercials though.
I completely agree with you about advertising. Especially in ‘Merica it seems we’re just under assault by it.
Twitter: TheMamamash
It’s interesting that once you stop watching commercials – when you do see them, they feel much more like an assault, you know? It’s like you lose your tolerance for being marketed to all the time. At least that’s what happened with me.
Twitter: Adothemomalog
Good on you Ado! I think it’s appaling that drug companies are allowed to advertize directly to ‘consumers’ – you don’t that get in Europe. Have I understood correctly that you’ve still got a physical TV but you don’t have cable? We’re the same, and I will resist all urges to sign up. Not to mention the expense!
Twitter: myhonestanswer
We have put the flat-screen in storage but we do have our old TV downstairs if anyone wants to watch a movie or video.
Twitter: Adothemomalog
It is so liberating. We haven’t had television reception since 1995. We do have a set and do watch some video and dvd, but not having ‘regular’ or cable t.v. feels so good. I don’t miss it at all. Good for you!
Twitter: xlmic
I totally get the feeling. We killed TV like 5 years ago, merely because we watch sitcom and decided to buy second handed DVD’s instead. We were working people – hubs and me, so we were not much at home. We were fine this way. Then my brother came to visit from back home and connected cable again. Now, with the baby, I’m so dependant of having TV around, but I KNOW i need to cut cable off again. Me sigh.
Twitter: mama_andthecity
We were TV-less for 5 years before we had Fiona – the week she was born my husband came home with a big TV and set it up. We also got a big couch and I parked myself there a lot of times and nursed her or she would sleep and I would watch some TV. Maybe you should wait til your baby is a tween to unplug, like I did? (-:
Twitter: Adothemomalog
rock on. iCarly scares the crap out of me, mostly b/c people uphold that show as “good stuff” for tweens. EEEK. An upside of Abu Dhabi life, where, yes, we have a massive tv (consolation prize for moving children around the world)…the boys watch exclusively video/dvd. No commercials. And while I’ve figured out how to stream some of my “me-time” shows…for some reason it never occurs to me to watch them. Hmm… I think there’s a blog post in there somewhere. Thanks for a good post AND an idea! And congrats on killing the idiot box.
Twitter: mannahattamamma
I love it – the “idiot box” – never heard that one before.
We have Netflix if I want to watch something on the computer, but for some weird reason it isn’t as “easy” and accessible to watch as that big idiot box in the living room was, so I don’t really watch anything very often.
Twitter: Adothemomalog
I’ve been without cable for 6 years now and I’m LOVING it. Great post!
I’m actually surprised at the number of people who are commenting who are or have been TV/cable free – I didn’t know there were so many! (-:
Twitter: Adothemomalog
We haven’t had a tv signal for a few years now. The biggest impact is that you can’t talk with friends about who is who on X Factor or that crazy cat lady on Hoarders. The TV shows are mainly junk, but the commercials are totally toxic to your brain. Plus, now you save money each month!
Congratulations, I’m very proud of you. Great decision.
Twitter: PerfectingParen
Thanks Alex. (-:
Twitter: Adothemomalog
Wow, that was brave of you. I’m not sure I could do it! But kudos to you for making the decision and getting it done (especially with all the hoops).
Twitter: gfunkified
We are also a TV free home, my kids have never known anything different and hardly a week goes by that I am not thankful we made this decision. I think every family has to do what’s best for them, and it looks like you did!
Twitter: theaumsmama
We have access to TV channels but we never watch them (except for the news once in a while). Anything that Monkey watches on the flat screen, are programs we choose for him, ad-free. I know some moms will say I let him watch too much TV, but he’s learned words, counting and music from the selected Sesame Street, Baby Einstein, Blues Clues and really old Arabic music videos that we allow. Because he is not denied some entertainment, he doesn’t ask for it. If we don’t turn on the telly the whole day, he doesn’t miss it.
I think it’s a brave move on your part! However, how do you plan to monitor the Internet when your girls get to it some day? (it’s inevitable)
Twitter: MamaWantsThis
Hi Alison, For now we are taking it one “thingamajig” at a time. They play with some games on my iPhone once in a while (especially if we are waiting in lines) – not all of them are educational – they have a favorite “stupid” one where they have to “raise puppies” by petting them, bathing them etc. and so on. Ella has a Jumpstart game we bought her on the computer – it’s really fun, and she learns a lot of math/telling time/reading etc. on it – but it has an option where you can encounter/meet/see other players – scared me to death, I turned it off immediately so she doesn’t interact yet with others online. The school they attend is not into computers (they get that at home) and none of the kids are running around with expensive iPods or cell phones or anything – which is FANTASTIC. After they graduate this school it’s going to be a whole different ball game w. Internet, cell phones etc…Facebook! – texting! I don’t have a plan yet, I’m just trying to put all of it off as long as possible. Basically, I have no idea at this point!! (-:
Twitter: Adothemomalog
I’m inspired to kill my TV too after reading this, but I have to convince the hubs first. My kids are actually more attracted to the commercials on TV and goes “I WANT!” whenever they see a McDonald’s or KFC ad.
Twitter: kiddothings
I haven’t had a tv since my daughter was about 8 months old, and it’s been great. As a result she is much more sensitive than her classmates to things like sadness, and scariness in any medium. She has not been to a movie theatre and has only seen a few full length movies in her life — no Disney! Even now she wouldn’t be able to make it through one without being overwhelmed. At 8 years old she likes to watch shows that are aimed at kids much younger than she, like Backyardigans, Busytown mysteries, and Curious George. She would be happy to watch these all day and I feel constantly guilty about how much I let her watch. Now that she’s as old as she is, and has been fairly well inculcated against advertising, she does watch more than in the past. While I’m not as good as I should be about setting and enforcing limits around it, I am not as concerned as I used to be about her impressionability.
I do have to admit that I really like watching streaming tv shows on my computer after she’s in bed. I too unapologetically call it me time, and it feels really important to my sanity, especially as a single parent, without even another adult to converse with in the evening.
However, now that she’s 8 the specter of Netflix and games on the iPhone has become the battleground. The commercials are far fewer — although there are games on the phone that require you to watch ads in order to progress, which is shocking and awful. Even worse, the ads are often far more violent and sexualized than the games they’re imbedded in, so she can be doing something that is age-appropriate and then be assaulted by a very inappropriate ad.
I am worried, of course, about what’s going to happen when she starts going on the ‘real’ Internet, when I’m not able to supervise as closely. Social networks – gah! Unsupervised googling — ack! It’s a tough line to walk between protecting her and educating her about the dangers of these things. Just like the real world, I guess, with sex and drugs and violence and cars out there. Yikes. I’m going to go watch some Netflix!
Thanks for your comment. After reading it I’m betting that since your daughter has such an insightful parent she will be guided by you through the labyrinth of iPod, Netflix, iPhone games, and who knows what else is out there in the near future trying to advertise to her. (-:
I am all for the me-time thing after the kids go to bed whatever that entails! (-: For me these days it’s a good novel and blogging. But occasionally I will watch a Netflix on my laptop…unapologetically.
Twitter: Adothemomalog
I watched the video. The part where they follow the kids into the bathroom (and film!) totally creepy!! not okay. who is letting them do that with their kids?
For a lot of years we had no cable, just a tv we used to watch dvds. It was a good thing. I got used to not knowing what the “it” shows were. I didn’t miss it.
But for the last four years we have lived somewhere where cable is included in our rent (if we want it or not). And we caved. And watched a little. (hey we were paying for it no matter what) And we watched a little more….and the last few weeks, I’ve realized that we watch A LOT! A lot a lot. And a lot of junk. The new shows that have come out on Disney this year? Trashy. (I miss the Hannah Montanna days, that show was better than the new stuff – and it wasn’t that great) And I am feeling sick. And I’m thinking about unplugging that cord. My husband is going to be hard to convince. My daughter will probably be sad for a little bit, but then she will get over it.
Twitter: fromtracie
I imagine that if your husband is attached to the TV – especially sports – then you would have a really hard sell. I’m lucky b/c my husband doesn’t watch sports on TV – he will once in a while follow the Duke b-ball games but can go meet a friend at a pub to watch them there too. So he was totally nonplussed either way. But a lot of hubbys are big into the TV sports season!!
Twitter: Adothemomalog
We don’t have cable or a dish. Up until programming went digital we could get the major networks, sort of, in one corner of the house (our bedroom) but we only used it so my husband could watch football and basketball from time to time. Our kids were all raised without it. They are smart, kind, fun people – it doesn’t seem to have hurt them one bit
(I confess, the one show I really love is Gray’s Anatomy, and I watch in online during lunch the day after it airs
)
Twitter: SusannaLHill
Impressive! I don’t ever watch tv unless I taped a show for the treadmill. The kids watch PBS and sports with Papa. That’s about it really. I do rely on the PBS’ers for some Mommy time so I think I would have struggled more than the kids! Good for you though for taking a stand!
Twitter: Chosenchaos
I’m with you. All that stuff on TV that you’ve mentioned is pretty downright awful. I’m glad for the day our TV got spoilt and we were just too busy to fix it. I guess writing and blogging takes a much better seat, hey?
Wow. This is brave. I don’t really watch TV anymore, but my husband does. I agree with all your reasons for shutting it down. I think it’s a good step to fostering children’s healthy growing up. I think I’d miss the news, but not much else.
Twitter: LauraMiri
We haven’t had cable since we got married. It has been wonderful. We still have a TV and we have Netflix and a lot of movies. I feel that this is a good middle ground. My husband and I still get to enjoy cuddling on the couch together after the kids go to bed, and when my girls are feeling under the weather we can snuggle and watch kids movie after kids movie, but, I have control over what is watched. I have gone as far as to remove some Disney movies from our collection because they do not fall in line with what I want my children learning. I have no intention of ever having television stations again. I love life without them.
I’m with you – we have Netflix on the computer, and my husband likes to watch old Inspector Morse videos on video sometimes. When the kids are sick or want to snuggle we can just turn on a movie on Netflix – but w. no commercials, and quality-controlled by the parents. (-:
Twitter: Adothemomalog
I understand how you feel…but….I am really uncomfortable with such extreme measures. I don’t like the idea that I might makes something taboo or shelter my children from the ways of the world.
When they tell me they want something they saw on TV, I ignore it. I haven’t noticed any connection between violence seen on TV and then acted out in real life. Both my kids, even my 11 y/o girl, still think any kissing they see is goofy.
I applaud you for making a choice and following through. I just don’t see the need to make the same choice.
Twitter: JenAnnHall
I think most people are like you – if I were able to deal with it better, I wouldn’t have made the choice – but since we’ve unplugged, the kids (and I) are reading more, outside more, doing more imaginative play…it works way better for us. If they want to watch tv at a friends house or play Wii that’s fine – and at home they do have access to Netflix movies / kids shows if they want, or when they’re sick at home etc. so it’s all good – does not feel extreme, to us!
Twitter: Adothemomalog
But what about the Kardaaaashiiiiiaaaannnnnsssss???? Sorry, I got a little whiny there because I really want to kill out TV too, but then that’s the kind of whining that goes on in my own head. I think it’s great you got rid of it for your kids’ sakes. I hope I have the courage to do it someday too!
Just give me a little time to figure out how it all goes – so far, so good – and I don’t even miss the whiney Kardaaaaaaaaashians! Thanks for the laugh. (-:
Twitter: Adothemomalog
I followed my statcounter over here and I was trying to read in the comments where I might have been mentioned – then *doh* saw my blog was listed in the Blogher posts on the side. LOL ANYWAY – Bravo. We’ve not had a television at all during our 19 years of marriage and four kids later. I do notice a difference in our kids compared to others in different things. Our kids are much more likely to be shocked or scared by different scenes when happening to see a show or a commercial – they aren’t desensitized. I like it that way. They do occasionally ask for one – but not much. As for me, I don’t mind not having one. I know when I’ve been in the hospital for each of my babies, I grabbed the remote as if I’d get to enjoy a treat – quiet time and tv, and was disappointed – there was NOTHING worth watching.
That’s the thing – we were just in a hotel room with TV and we were all kind of giddy about the remote “control” and flipped it on – there was nothing of substance. Nothing but ads and being marketed to.
Twitter: Adothemomalog
I found this post that I did a few years ago and what we do without a tube: http://sharyntormanen.typepad.com/be_good_/2008/02/no-tube-in-torm.html
Thanks for sharing, I’ll put it on my Facebook page too! (-:
Twitter: Adothemomalog
@Joydriver77 I find you just have to do it. Took me a year finally do it. I’m so glad we did! http://t.co/JXYD3vaw #KillYourTelevision
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Thanks Leah!