Chosen Chaos and Mommy2Cents are hosting a Ghosts of Christmas Past link-up where you link up a post you wrote in your first week of blogging. Here’s an oldie but goodie from the archives when I had a grand total of 7 readers, most of whom were spammers. Also linking up with one of my fave link-ups, the fabulous lovelinks.
This message is in my Site Stats:
“There are 106 comments in your Spam Queue right now.”
What kind of loser spams a mommy blogger? You’d think it would be diaper companies, cereal makers, or toy manufacturers. But when I took a closer look to find out what worm holes these spam-boobs crawled out of, I found sites that have nothing to do with parenting. There were spammers I couldn’t read from Asia and Russia, a scientific one, a blog generator, and one unmentionable. The only common denominator was that all have horrifically poor grammatical skills.
From: Jim Morrison’s Ghost
Can’t I just say what a relief it is to find someone who actually knows about what about theyre talking about about this.
Dear Jim Morrison’s Ghost: You have probably dropped about too much acid to be about able to write a coherent about sentence.
From: Robina Kocourik
You must be a genious. I love your posts, will come back later.
Dear Ms. Kocourik: If you’re going to venture into the land of Using Big Words With Two Syllables, Like “Genious,” you might want to use Spell Check. PS: Don’t come back later. Please!
From: Grandma Hystad (my biggest spammer)
Good opinion. How did you came up like this?
When I clicked on Grandma’s return address, I got the most unspeakable recipe for “Beef and Spud Cakes”:
Grandma Hystad’s Recipe for Beef and Spud Cakes and More Food Information
- You incorporate the use of Habitat Various meats and desire.
- A Condition for children
- 8 oz. Beef
- 8 oz. Potatoes
- 1 Thin 2-3 half inch onion chopped finely
- 1 egg yolk.
- Dark scented soy sauce
- 1 teaspoon salt
- Cook typically potatoes and mash. Mix in egg yolk and salt.
- Age
- That have is actually tablespoon oil.
- Add on Lower meat
- Toasted for fundamental minutes.
- Make use of soya sauce and mix I would say the whole batch.
- Flesh.
- Straight to paintballs the strength of Method balls, flatten In order to cakes.
- Warming some of the fixing pan. Put cakes over.
- Peel, core, and Carve oranges. That will help groups or wedges.
- Dot oranges now with margarine.
Dear Grandma Hystad: I don’t know what country you’re from but I sure-as-shit don’t want to come over to your house to eat anything you make, especially oranges dotted with margarine.
From: Aegean Dirt Recipes
Your page is looks mercy, your graphics are good look, and what’s more, you use reference that are relevant to what you are saying. Do you have weight to lost?
Dear Aegean Dirt Recipes: You might increase your site clicks if you corrected the typo in your header from ‘dirt’ to ‘diet’. Jeez!
From: Unmentionable
Would you be concerned about exchanging hyperlinks?
Dear Unmentionable: I don’t engage in the casual exchange of hyperlinks.
From: MaryAlice Flug
I find myself strongly over it and love learning on this topic, and melted it a bit leaving resin on the bottom of my heart.
Dear Ms. Flug: Thank you for putting some thought into spamming my Mommy-blog. You are touchingly poetic. Please go away.
From: Harmony Cevera
Hey there, Harmony Cevera here. I found your web site while browsing for something different on Google. I liked this specific post “<INSERT BLOGTITLE HERE>”, so I hope you don’t mind I am refer a friend to it.
Dear Harmony: Do you think that when you spam tomorrow’s post you might be able to take the time to cut and paste my blog title into your comment?
From Slankpiller
You have constructed a very beautiful blog. Your texts is extremely good to reading and well written too.
Dear Slankpiller: I am so flattered! And your user name is so…attractive. Meow! Do you think we could date, Slankpiller?
From: Chemical Sedimentary Rock Facts Glossary
I am very interested in. May I ask to spoon feed the detail please?
Dear Blah-Blah-Blah-Rock-Facts-etc.-etc.-Glossary: You probably don’t even have thumbs yet and are unable to use a spoon, so No.
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Oh jeez, you mean you actually clicked on the links? That’s why you have 100′s of spams per post. Rule number 1 is DON’T CLICK THE LINKS
At least you got a post out of it …
Do you have an anti-spam filter?
Twitter: PerfectingParen
You know, Perfect Dad, I had that thought before I clicked ‘em – but writing the post got the better of me! I do have a spam filter so all of them are in the spam folder – but they still bug me. (-:
Twitter: Adothemomalog
Ugh- hate the world of mommy blog spammers! I am right there with you mama and I have written posts about the very same topic.
I always check out a reader’s blog after they leave a comment because I like to read who is reading me. What truly bugs me is when someone blatantly copies & pastes generic, impersonal, self promoting “canned” messages. Just plain rude!
Although between you and me… I may just change my profile name to Slankpiller. So very sexy!
Filter away. It took me a couple of months to catch on to that.
You know, now I can’t get that creepy name – Slankpiller – out of my head. Ick!
I do have a filter, but I just had to peek in my Spam folder. (-:
Twitter: Adothemomalog
This is such a fun post and made my night! Lucky I have no experience like that yet.
Oh my goodness I almost woke the kids up laughing out loud to this. How fricken hilarious!!
You just made my night.
I’m feeling a little left out though. I have never, not once received a spam message!!
You had me at Slankpillar, lol.
This made me laugh! Oh my goodness, resin at the bottom of my heart. Love, love, love.
Thanks for stopping by my blog last week and for telling me my boys are perfect. They really are.
This is great. I am sure the original 7 loved it! I hate spam, I don’t get it. Can’t we all just use our own credit cards!
Thanks for linking up with us!!
Twitter: Chosenchaos
Oh my, some of your fans were my fans too. I got spam comment the other day on my photography site saying Tolstoy would be jealous of my amazing writing.and you know I only post photos, no words. Great post Ado!
Twitter: NorthWestMommy
Maybe the spammer was a minimalist. (-:
Twitter: Adothemomalog
Wow! That was hilarious! Somehow I’ve missed out on the onslaught of spam…so far. My spam folder just sits empty. I’m kind of feeling left out now. What’s so bad about MY blog? Why don’t the spammers love me too? Sigh.
Twitter: CynthiaMeents
Spammers are so weird. I love this post…your replies are as priceless as the idiocy they are replying to…but in a good way
Twitter: xlmic
I kind of love reading my spam comments just because they make me laugh. I don’t have clever responses to all of them like you do though!
Twitter: euregirlsandboy
It still boggles my mind that the spammers can’t just write one coherent sentence. Ah well, makes it easier to spot. And much more amusing.
Twitter: amorninggrouch
Hahaha! Phew – I was nervous I’d see an example of a random comment by mommy2cents!
I too have been known to get the occasional straggler, but you… you get some doozies!!
Thanks for linking up with us for Ghosts of Blogging Past!
Twitter: Mommy2cents
I love posts like this. I almost feel left out I don’t get these. I get some pretty good spam emails though. I really think it’s funny they couldn’t even insert a blog title.
Twitter: motherhoodtruth
I do remember reading this – I think. But it’s a fun read again, it made me giggle!
And that recipe – EWWWW!!
Twitter: MamaWantsThis
They are annoying, the bad grammer is because the use a technique called spinning through which the comments and names are mashed about so that when a link is placed their is some variation in the wording so as to appear “natural”.
This is awesome…I promise I am not spamming you. The typos and incoherent comments are amazing. I have only had one spammer that wrote something where I had to do a double take. I asked how people would define their life so far if you could only choose one word…someone replied with a dirty reference that could also be defined as uptight. I wasn’t sure what to even think…was this serious or spam. I ultimately qualified it as spam but I wish it would have been more clever, I have spam envy! Glad to have found you again on Lovelinks, happy holidays!
Twitter: newfavoriteday
WOW. I didn’t know that SPAM could provide so much “entertainment” – I’ll have to start reading my SPAM instead of deleting it! hehe
Twitter: ninjabitchceo
For the longest time, I’ve been wanting to write a post just like this. I get similarly outrageous spam. My favorite is obviously the Grandma and her food stuffs.
Twitter: LauraMiri
HAHAHAHAHAHA, I can’t believe you kept those! They are hilarious! Wonder what those spammers were thinking… who in the world would believe they’re NOT spammers? And why would they even bother? HAHAHAHAHA
Twitter: dosweatthesmall
You are too funny, Ado! Spam comments are awesome. I got a mean one last week. Said I was just looking for attention and my blog sucked. And then left an URL. The nerve!
Twitter: JenAnnHall