Thoughts About Moms Who Project Perfection

Filed under: Daily Life, Perfect Moms

I don’t have much for you today except that I came in third this week in the Yeah Write linkup. I just love that linkup and I get all into it. I loved the post up there by Kvetch Mom that won the popular vote this week – it’s about mom jeans, about the terrifying reality that, “once you go elastic, you never go back.”

My favorite post of the week out on the blogosphere was Scary Mommy’s The Happiest Mother On The Block. In it she describes how every weekday morning as she drives her bickering children to school “while hissing at them” – she passes The Happy Mother. The Happy Mother always has an ear-to-ear smile on her face, looks totally present, and seems genuinely happy to be with her kids. She looks like she wakes up at 4:30 AM to do yoga and cook a full breakfast for everybody. Scary Mommy wonders if The Happy Mother is topping off her coffee with vodka or popping pills or something worse that’s “totally unfathomable”…like that maybe she’s just plain happy.

I relate to Scary Mommy a lot on this one. Not so much on the Happy Mother front but on the Perfect Mother one. Mom-friends I am close to are imperfect ones. They aren’t afraid for me to witness their imperfections or their kid’s imperfections. And vice versa: I’m not afraid of telling it like it is to them. I am not wary of my kid throwing a tantrum in front of them or misbehaving – I don’t feel judged. There are no faux fronts or perfect mom facades, because frankly, I hate that shit. It just totally puts me off.

Moms who are regularly spewing a running narrative of perfection – those are the ones I wonder about. Are they for real? I classify Perfect Moms as dangerous and toxic. Toxic because if I’m not careful around them, they just totally screw up my self-esteem. Dangerous because moms who project such perfection make it all unsafe for regular, pissy, imperfect, flustered, frequently premenstrual moms like me who are known to hiss at their bickering children on the way to school to go ahead and feel okay about themselves.

So go and read that post on Scary Mommy if you have a chance – it’s a gem.



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12 Responses | TrackBack URL | Comments Feed

  1. Great article, I just got upset from the many mom blogs with their fake perfection. I just can’t believe that there are moms who always look pretty, have enough time to go to the gym every day, doing the housework, take care of the children, and cook as well. And they all keep smiling all the time. Motherhood is not like this, I think.



  2. The problem with seemingly “perfect moms” isn’t that they are happy (IMHO) it is that they think they have to look happy all the time. With that being said – parenting has a learning curve… and I try very hard to remember that maybe these moms have’t reached that non-perfect parenting point yet…
    Twitter: kateonthegomomma.net



    • God, I reached it in the first week of parenthood, I think.



  3. Is it not possible for some #mothers to be, just, genuinely happy? Thoughts About Moms Who Project Perfection http://t.co/rw1ZCrG8



  4. I know too well what you’re talkin’ about there, Ado. Can’t stand them either. Some of those ‘Perfect Moms’ I know… they are the most judgmental, condescending, competitive moms out there. And worse? They’re in total denial mode. They would ask as much info from you, and then when it’s your turn to ask them, they’d just smile and act as if their children could swim, play sports, write and read well all on their own. Ugh. You’re so right. They’re toxic.
    Twitter: dosweatthesmall



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