February

20

2012

The Incredible Randomness of Being

Filed under: Yeah Write Linkup

A random post about my sanctimonious daughter, a 6-foot-20-inch he-man, and pageant moms. 

I’m going out of town skiing today and we only decided to go last night (as usual) so my plan to write a Really Funny Post is postponed in favor of Really Funny Real Life wherein I will careen screaming down the side of a mountain and plow into a group of innocent skiiers, embarrassing my children. But because I am A Total Yeah Write Addict, I’m going to link up today – although I have no idea what I’m going to write.

Actually, I do: I’m going to write about random things. I haven’t got a plan, and there is no theme – art imitating my life.

Random Thing #1: My Sanctimonious Daughter

Fi, my 10-year-old, asked me to promise not to link up to Yeah Write this week “so that you can stop hogging the top 5 and give another person a chance to shine,” (her words, not mine).

Can you believe it? 

Fi is a Libra and a Very Nice Person who always has Fairness at the top of her agenda, and apparently she can’t stand me on Thursdays – voting day – because I can’t get over the fact that we can no longer vote for ourselves and I grumble about how unfair it is. She also seems to be particularly revolted by my excitement at finding out who is on the latest leader boards…

I told her I didn’t think I could stay away from my Yeah Write homies but that my post this week isn’t going to be very good and will probably be in the bottom 5 anyway.

the momalog, momalog tween

This seemed to satisfy her. 

Random Thing #2: The 6-Foot-20-Inch He-Man

Yesterday I was at a mall watching Ella play on the indoor play structure, and this big six-foot-twenty-inch he-man dressed in camouflage and boots got my attention because he shouted at his five-year-old son. He had four sons under the age of 8 also wearing camo, and matching buzz-cuts.

He shouted, “Don’t you kick him!”

He was only a few feet away from me so I gave him my best Stink-Eye (which is pretty dern effective, let me tell you – I perfected it in grade school).

You know what he did then? He faux-kicked his five-year-old. It wasn’t a “real” kick, not a kick that would hurt (well, not physically), but it was a kick from a six-foot-twenty-inch he-man, and it was despicable.

He shouted, “HOW DO YOU THINK THAT FEELS?!”

I stood then, outraged. I was saying, “That man just kicked his son!” to the moms around me, hoping to start a riot or something but the other moms were ignoring the situation. What was I going to do, beat him up? I looked right at him and shook my head, and that’s when he noticed that my really effective Stink Eye was upon him.

Him: “What’s your problem?”

Me: “Are you kidding?”

I should have said something better. Something like, “You’re my problem because that’s abusive and you’re modeling abusive behavior to these four boys, who will probably grow up to beat their wives and kick people! WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘HOW DO YOU THINK THAT FEELS?’ YOU’RE THE ONE WHO TAUGHT HIM HOW TO KICK LIKE THAT, NEANDERTHAL!”

But all I could think of to say was, Are you kidding?

At least it was something.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said, herding his sons out of the mall.

Ella probably knew that I was all riled-up and that I was no match for the he-man. She pulled me by my hand and I sat down and repeated, “That man just kicked. his. son.”

Ella: “Don’t give him any attention. He’s just a bully.”

momalog ella carousel

Ella at the mall yesterday.

The moms were mute, probably telling themselves that nothing technically happened and it was none of their business and what kind of a crackpot nosey mom was I to stand up like that and give that man the Stink Eye anyway?

It really does take a village to look the other way while a child is being bullied.

I was shaking, because ironically, what I wanted to do to him involved violence.

Random Thing #3: I Am Not A Pageant Mom

Last night I had a nightmare that I had to dress up in Fi’s Irish dance competition dress, her Shirley Temple wig, poodle socks and hard shoes, and dance a treble jig for a panel of judges.

I blame Anderson Cooper for the nightmare. Several days ago he invited the ignorant narcissistic pageant moms from Toddlers and Tiaras to wear the same lil’ hooker get-ups they make their kids wear, and then walk out on the stage. Then Pigtail Pals/Redefining Girly posted it on their Facebook page and I saw this video.

the momalog, pageant moms, momalog pageant moms

From Anderson Cooper.com.

As I was ranting on Facebook about “those” pageant moms a little voice reminded me that I may not be a pageant mom but I am one of “those” Irish Dance moms. Irish Dance moms are not pageant moms – yet – but to some people we are only steps behind the Pageant Moms. The dresses are getting shorter. The wigs are getting bigger. Some kids are wearing makeup. The poodle socks now come with optional glitter.

the momalog, momalog irish dance hair

After I woke up from my nightmare, I was going wake Fi and ask her if Irish dancing is what she really wants – but then I remembered that she’s the one who dragged me – kicking and screaming – into this whole Irish Dance Mom scene. So we’re good.

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Comments

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  1. Yeah, you’re a Yeah Write superstar, dude!

    I watched the T&T moms video on the Anderson Cooper show and totally had nightmares about the Go Go Juice mom. Ack!
    Twitter: AlisonSWLee

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    • I saw a video for “Go Go juice” up there online and thought about viewing it but I know it would only just make me even more pissed off and judgey than I already am.

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  2. I probably would have felt like kicking the He-Man as well, but your response was even better. Even if you wanted to say something “better” I think that saying what you did made him uncomfortable enough. No confrontation, no arguments, but clearly letting him know that this is not alright.
    Bullies thrive when people look the other way and I am glad you didn’t.
    That Toddlers&Tiaras picture is creepy…
    Twitter: kerstinauer

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    • The T&T photo *is* creepy isn’t it? Especially the duo in pink.

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  3. You should have kicked that *insert bad name* in the balls. That’d learn ‘im….
    I think Ella is a genius. So is mine, maybe they will rule the world someday…
    xoxo
    Twitter: amountainmomma

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  4. Wow, if we could only beat that big six-foot-twenty-inch he-man to make him realize the pain he is inflicting. Okay, that’s sounds harsh but then I believe that we should fight fire with fire.

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  5. You know we could get fifty yeah writers to gang up on that bully! Have a great trip and steer clear of the trees.
    Twitter: louiseducote

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    • A great idea. (-:
      I will steer clear of the trees, hopefully.

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  6. I wasn’t going to say anything, but since Fi brought it up, maybe you could just have an itsy bitsy sprained wrist from skiing, or something? I mean, not life-threatening, not ghastly, just enough to STOP YOU FROM LINKING UP? I mean for the love of all things ghillied and spangled, woman, could you cut the rest of us some slack? Okay. I’ll make you a deal: I will take back the wish of a minor writing-hand injury in exchange for a picture of you dressed in Irish Step Dancing gear. I think Fi would TOTALLY approve. It’s only fair, after all. (Have fun skiing and–actually–be safe on those slopes. There are kids out there with no fear and no peripheral vision, either.)
    Twitter: mannahattamamma

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    • Oh BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! and thanks for the LAUGH! Ha! No way would I ever dress up no matter how nicely you ask – ha!
      I am sure I will sprain or break something though – I’m really not a good skiier and I’m clumsy so it should be interesting. I just don’t want to embarrass my children anymore than I already have…(-:

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  7. I would have been just as appalled as you at that man who kicked his son. Seriously? And I think there is a BIG difference between those pageant moms and an Irish dancer mom (at least I think…I don’t know anything about Irish dancing other than that it is AWESOME.) And that second little girl from the right is a HOT MESS. After watching the mom for a microsecond, I can tell why.
    Twitter: LauraMiri

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    • What I can’t get over about those dance moms is they would go on natl. TV dressed like that thinking…what? That they are going to win over America? Yikes.

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  8. You’re one of my yeah write heroes. Can I be you when I grow up? But seriously, always join in, because you inspire me to up my game and that’s what makes yeah write so much fun.

    And I can’t believe that meanie Dad. Good for you for saying something! You might not have said what you wanted to, but something is better than nothing!
    Twitter: chicknoodlegrav

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    • Thanks so much for saying that Katie. (-:
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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  9. Love #1 (but don’t stop) and Ella’s comment on #2. You are raising two wonderful, thoughtful girls. And I agree completely – combining the stink-eye with “Are you kidding me?” was probably the best possible thing you could have done. You made him think, which he was obviously uncomfortable with, since he left. Let’s hope he keeps thinking. And on #3 – Yikes!! :-)
    Twitter: S_Supermommy

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  10. Fi @AdoTheMomalog begs her mom not to link up with #yeahwrite45, but total yeah write addicts never listen http://t.co/n4vRxCQS

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  11. I wonder how that dad was treated when he was a boy. I bet he got kicked a few times. Not excusing it, just recognizing what is probably a pattern that hopefully those little boys will be able to also recognize and break. Let’s hope they grow up to marry someone like you.
    Twitter: TheBareMidriff

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    • Ofcourse he was treated like that as a child – I got that immediately and saw little him in his five year old and his dad in him – too much transactional analysis in my lifetime! – it does help to explain it. I think most cruelty is learned behavior which is why it’s so sad that he is passing his learning on down to his sons.
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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  12. You do ‘random’ well. (smile)
    Fi and Ella are wise gals. I hope you enjoy the ski trip!
    Twitter: lenore_diane

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  13. You are a superstar and I love it and you totally deserve to be in (on?) the leaderboard every stinkin’ week. Great post, as always. I wish I had been there with you at the mall because I always notice those asswipes who are abusing their kids. And the collective parental ignoring of those asswipes makes me so hot under the collar that I end up being very loud in my reaction to them. My husband is sure I’m going to get my butt kicked at the mall one of these days. Anyhow, if I had been with you I would’ve joined your Posse Against Abusive Asswipes. (We could have a special patch: PAAA.)

    Thanks for another great post. Keep it up :)
    Twitter: jlweinberg

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    • Jennifer I sure wish there were way more moms like you at the playgrounds. Your comment took away a lot of the irritation I feel at always being the one mom who tells off the assails parent. “Wish you were there!” (-:
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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  14. For the record, I’M GLAD YOU WON’T BE HERE TO ENJOY YOUR FAME!

    Seriously, THIS is your ‘random’ post? THIS?

    Congratulations on your win you frog.

    the end
    (xxoo)
    Twitter: GisSilent

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    • Ok, it’s official and I love you Kim. Ps: I’m here on my iPhone at the haunted hotel – still here…. (-;
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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    • I’m with Kim – THIS is your random post?! No wonder you are constantly in the top 5. It’s because you rock, that’s why. Der! Every single one of these “Random Things” is a fabulous blog post on their own. The asshat at the mall? “It really does take a village to look the other way while a child is being bullied.” — perfection. It’s a good thing you, JLWeinberg, and I don’t go to the same mall or we’d be appearing in front of a judge right about now. Also, my oldest child is a libra, so I totally get that. AND don’t get me started on T&T. I watched a whole marathon on Super Bowl Sunday and haven’t been able to shake the visions of that monstrous Q-PON queen and her Dolla Dolla Make You Holla Honey Boo Boo Go-Go-Juice-Guzzling spawn ever since. {Shudder}
      Twitter: TheBeardedIris

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  15. I LOVELOVELOVE this piece – although I am slightly sidetracked and cautios of this whole YEAHWRITE thing. Why? Because this is my first day checking out YEARHWRITE and I must of not read the fine print because I’m not sure I have the ability to be ‘judged’ and ‘voted’. My writer voice might be too fragile for such a thing. Nonetheless, this post is awesomely random. I thoroughly enjoyed it!

    p.s. when I stand up to bad parents use a line I stole from my mother in law: “Sir/Madam, I work for the State and if this behavior continues I will have no choice but to report you”. Works everytime, er, both times!
    Twitter: Steph_Sikorski

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    • Steph that is fantastic advice! Only then I would want to follow the bad parent home and do a cps house check too and a follow up. (-; welcome to yeah write it’s not like that at all – just a bit of fun, and everyone is totally supportive. When I get my computer I will go read your post, I’m on iPhone in hotel. (-:
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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    • I love it, that is a perfect way to handle that kind of situation. Now, if I can only remember it next time I see one of Those Parents.

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  16. It’s a sad state of the world when your sweet Ella can recognize a bully in the adult man. Makes me sick. I hope I would have been the you Mom and not the “I don’t see anything happening” Mom.
    Twitter: Chosenchaos

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    • I bet you would’ve kicked his butt.
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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  17. Good for you for giving that bully the stink eye!! And your girls sound very smart with a very good head on their shoulders…it must be because you are their mom. :)
    xo
    P.S. Hope you had a fun time skiing!

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    • That was so sweet. I’d like to take credit for them but I think a lot of their insight and reasonableness comes from their dad. (-:
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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  18. Well, I certainly wish you’d quit hogging the yeahwrite votes. Then there’d be more for me!

    Great post. It’s a bummer that we are constantly exposed to bad parenting. It’s not really wrong in the eyes of the law, but it’s still, you know, WRONG. Good for you and your stink eye, though.
    Twitter: mommybostic

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    • Thanks Janice. (-:
      Twitter: Adothemomalog

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  19. Hilarious that you are such an addict that your daughter wants you to take a week off! I can’t handle the Just Write voting because I never have time to read all the posts and then I feel guilty just voting for the people I already read. Also my ego might be too fragile to suck at it every time. Oh well, maybe this week I’ll be brave enough to link up. Maybe.

    Anyway, I applaud you for giving that guy the stink eye. I abhor the “how do you think that feels?” method of parenting if it involves actual violence. Ugh.
    Twitter: teamrasler

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    • And of course I meant Yeah Write. I am seriously too tired today.
      Twitter: teamrasler

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    • Oh go ahead and link up. I get into the voting part but it is zero weirdness, I don’t know what it is b/c usually I don’t like voting things – but I have so much fun on this one, rooting for who I voted for, seeing who the Lurker’s fave is, all that – Erica has really built a great little community here. Also I do always try to read all 50 but last week I somehow overlooked two – I’m so glad she has capped it out at 50 because I just – no way could I read anymore than that. This week I’m out of town so I won’t get to read all 50…

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  20. I think Dance moms is a kind of activity that truly great and full of happiness… This is a bonding of mother and daughter which is unique… As a working mom, I hope I can have this kind of bond.

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  21. Totally not voting for you this week in order to satisfy Fi. LOL
    Twitter: ewstorch_nh

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    • You KNOW you got Fiona’s vote this week, for that. (-:

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  22. I would’ve joined your riot at the mall! I hate seeing stuff like that. And knowing that his kids may act the same way he does when they’re at school. And later…as adults.
    Twitter: chicktuition

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  23. Love your randomness post :) Great job of smushing together all the randomness, and I have to agree with others who’ve commented, it’s so sad, *but shows you’re doing a great job as a mom!*, that your daughter can recognize a bully, but a grown man doesn’t realize he is being one.
    Twitter: _simplysara_

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  24. TLC had a wonderful little documentary on Irish Dancing called JIG.
    tlc.discovery.com/videos/jig-living-and-breathing-dance.html
    I wonder what you think of this, Ado?
    For the record, I do NOT think those dance moms & dads were anything close to the crazies on T&T.
    Twitter: notwifezilla

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    • I actually bought JIG and loved it – it made me feel like I need to step up my game big time. Terrible but true. The thing I love about Irish dance is the skill involved. They work so hard and it is something amazing to behold (I could never do it.) (-: Thanks for the link, JIG is a great show

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  25. Such a great post! Those pageant moms look horrible, that’s what I’d call really terrific. Sometimes, random things can be really cruel:)

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