Earlier this month, when I was blogging or Twittering or Facebooking late at night, and my husband was trying to get my attention but couldn’t – he said something that stopped me in my tracks:
Him: “Does social media fulfill you?”
Me: “Why yes. Yes it does.”
I said it unapologetically, too. Because it does. So off he went, after an eye-roll (he is hugely supportive of my writing – my novel writing, that is. He’s not so sure about whether writing for this blog and social media can be classified as “real” writing, yet. So there are some eye-rolls…)
Social media gets a bad wrap. Maybe because it’s “online” – people who use it are still somewhat stigmatized as self-indulgent, or not serious – sort of like people who fall in love using match.com. There’s still a lot of bias against it out there, like it’s not the real thing.
As of this post, I’m done with participating in that whole dynamic by feeling somewhat sheepish about how attached I am to social media. I’m not going to do that anymore, so I’m officially outing myself: I love social media.
There, I said it.
I’m done with my husband’s eye-rolls, too, because what’s going on here – for me, and for millions of moms – is connection. Community, friendship, recognition, validation. Important things. My husband gets these things daily by going to work – but as a stay-at-home-mom, I don’t. I get them through the friends I meet up with occasionally, but daily I get them through social media.
Motherhood surprised me in how isolating the day-to-day routine can be – but social media removes that isolation. You’re there in your home, the only one who’s awake late at night. You’re worried about the rash on your child’s neck, so you tweet about it.
Me: I’m worried.
Within a minute someone tweets back a suggestion, a calming word, or an “I hear you, the same thing happened to me.” Usually, it boils down to this:
Twitter Village: It’ll be okay.
In an instant, I remember that I’m not alone. It does take a village, and social media connects us to that village. I’ve had so many helpful experiences like this, and have in turn reached out to so many other women as part of that village, that I’m ending my participation in feeling at all sheepish, coy, or embarrassed at the notion that social media does in fact fulfill and validate me. It’s not the only thing that fulfills me – writing does, my family does, my friends. Also – this year at Blogher I met some of the real people behind all of the tweets, Facebook Likes, and comments on my blog – and they were just as amazing in person as they are online. I was shocked. It’s not fake, it’s real. I’m unapologetically sold.
Oh, and P.S., eye-rollers – while I was at Blogher, the most powerful and important person in the world – President Obama – took time out of his schedule to address us – women bloggers who are using social media to change their worlds, and in so doing, the world. So yeah, the era of feeling sheepish about getting meaning and connection from social media is over. Social media is just too helpful, and too important, a vehicle that’s galvanizing our voices and carrying us into our future.
Last night was a bad parenting night for me – I’d put my kids to bed too late, and by the time I did they were crying, and then I tried to put my foot down with the number of toys I would let my beyond-tired child take into the bed with her and she started sobbing. After they finally fell asleep I was left alone with my doubts about my own parenting abilities. I contacted another mom-friend online and told her about my crap parenting night, my self-doubts – and she wrote that she was going through the exact same thing. This connection brought me back to being grounded, not so alone. Part of the village.
So this morning, on Twitter, Cassie, a new follower, sent me a tweet – she had found me, she tweeted to her followers, had read my bio, was inspired by it, and – oh my goodness – inspired by my parenting:
And then another follower – Sandra, who told me she is subscribed “in 3 different places” (!) – responded with this:
Can I begin to tell you how good that felt to read?
So, yeah. Social media fulfills me.
Read Alison from Writing, Wishing’s post about how she feels about blogging over at Letters for Lucas, here.
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And this is why I wrote a love letter to you. And my little international village. xo
Also? Thank you for the link back to my letter! xo
Of course! It’s a great letter!
It was so wonderful to meet people at BlogHer and think – wow, awesome in real life too!! (Yes, I’m talking about you!)
I love social media too. I love the friendships, the support and the sheer volume of information that I get from it. You are good at the social media thing and you should embrace it. No matter who is rolling their eyes at you
Also, I’m sort of tired of that notion that blogging isn’t real writing. It’s not all good writing, but it definitely is writing. We need to keep doing it, keep putting our words out there and ending that stigma.
YOU were one of the real people I met at Blogher and was so impressed with! (-:
@AdoTheMomalog shares a touching piece about herself and social media. It is one we can all relate too! http://t.co/yJnHRFzv
Thank you, Laverne my friend. (-:
My husband and I were discussing this last night as we headed on an hour long car ride with the girls asleep in the back. Being a stay at home mom can be isolating and overwhelming. Between blogging, twitter, FB, & a local message board- my world has been made smaller. I’ve been given virtual support and guidance through some tough situations and I’ve never felt alone.
It’s amazing how a group of people I’ve never met have helped me so much! xoxo Ado & thanks!
This is the kind of story about moms connecting to other moms and feeling better about things that I hear time and time again and makes me love social media even more. (-:
Outing Myself: Social Media Fulfills Me http://t.co/Shahsm5F via @sharethis
Thank you so much for featuring me in your blog
I feel special!
And I feel the same way as you with social medial sites. There’s definitely gratification knowing that you can reach out to “the world” and get responses from other mommies and not feel so alone. I’m so glad I came across your blog! Maybe someday I can actually attend a BlogHer conference and meet you in person!
You are very welcome! (-:
I have no idea how moms did it before they had all this stuff! Everyone just pretended things were honky-dory and holed up in their own houses all day sans connection with others? We’ve got dishwashers AND Twitter? It’s a blessed world we live in!
I second that! (-:
I’m 46 so I was actually around for those days and the moms just kind of were stuck with a luck of the draw kind of thing on the quality of their neighbors. I remember the moms visited each other frequently for about twenty to thirty minutes a day. If you had a nice neighbor, like my mother in law did, it was great. But if you got stuck with some trash, like my mom did,, their dysfunction was right there in your face and that could be very stressful and harmful.
Gossip and falling out was much more devastating because again, it was right there in your face. There was no stepping away from the computer or unfriending someone or unfollowing them. Once you said the wrong thing on a bad day, or turned down a vindictive woman’s babysitting request, and happened to make an enemy, that was it, the woman could make your life and kid’s life a living hell. I’m not very familiar with Facebook or Twitter but it sounds like we have a much better avenue for moms to connect on our terms these days.
I’m a bit slow to the show. My head is still stuck in the Web site ring and forum format of communicating. Facebook and Twitter caught me by surprise. I’m not ready for that, yet! I’m blessed to know Ado in person so that’s how I’m even here to begin with. I had no idea how big this blogging world was. I’m glad Ado has this blog, because when I see her in person, we have to keep half our attention on our girls, so it’s hard to have the depth of conversations and sharing that we can get here.
2nd try: How social media gave ME a surprise. RT @AdoTheMomalog Outing Myself: Social Media Fulfills Me http://t.co/FNAALANH via @sharethis
I agree with the ability and benefits of being able to connect. The downside, however, is that I have found that my ability to connect quickly – and find advice, validation, etc. – through social media and internet information has meant that I don’t make as much of an effort to do so in the real world. I think it is invaluable to have BOTH.
It’s one of the reasons I am thrilled that my son will be starting Kindergarten this year. I’ll have to cut back on on-line work/volunteering to get involved in school needs/events, and I think that will be healthy for my body (no more sitting on my butt!) and my mind. That said, I’ve been involved in social media in various forms since the mid-90′s, and I don’t see it stopping any time soon.
I think that’s a really important point – as in all things you gotta have some balance. There have been times especially at the beginning of blogging that I got sucked into the vortex – but it only lasted 2 or 3 months and then I balanced out again.
You nailed it.
The isolation of taking care of the kids all day used to be pretty much unbearable. Thanks to social media for being my outlet and my tie to the outside world in the seemingly infinite piles of laundry and diapers and dishes in my life.
Now I proudly declare “I love my computer because my friends live in it!”
I hope that one day I can attend Blog Her as well, all of you ladies have inspired me!
It’s really so great to hear that!
Ado, you made my day back with this post! Never have I been screen-captured or mentioned this way before! Thank you so much. Social media is a powerful tool, for the good, and for bringing together people who relate to one another. I am still learning how to use it well. I really hope you will go to BlogHer again next year (will be my first) so I CANT MEET YOU!
I’ve been your follower for a few months. I have this backwards thinking about bloggers with a big following: my comments are not needed or important because there are a ton of people who comment already. I should update that thought, since I know for me, ANY comment is appreciated and loved. I have been so touched by so many of your posts, Imma ‘out’ myself now and just tell you how much your writing affects me: it lifts me, it drowns me, and it tickles me. =)
Oh! Thank you so much Sandra. (-:
So glad you “outed yourself!”
You know —> I have a lot of “lurkers” – people who read my blog, yet they don’t comment, for whatever reason. But I hear from these people – I may know them in real life and they’ll refer to some recent post, or tell me they read my posts in their newsfeed etc. – and I must say, I love-love-love my lurkers. (-: They are an entity entirely unto themselves – a little more private – but they are reading.
Anyway so glad you outed yourself, you really did make my day and hope to meet you one day!! (-:
You are definitely not alone and I totally feel the same way. And like Sandra(love her) and Cassie I’m happy that I found your blog and have been reading ever since (not always commenting)… like you said, it’a a village, one I’m very happy to be part of!!!
Thank you very much for commenting, for reading, and for being a part of that village we all have. (-:
I can totally commiserate! Even though I can’t comment or tweet as often as I’d like, just reading helps me feel connected and keep isolation at bay. Love your honest posts Ado, been following!
My hub: Does social media fulfill you? Me: Why yes, yes it does. Outing Myself: Social Media Fulfills Me http://t.co/bRtqCbB1 via @sharethis