We’re back from California, and I’m back on the East Coast now – but with my Inner Californian Hippie Chick (ICHC) in tow. This is not convenient – my ICHC, with her incense, her Buddha statues, self-help books, torn boyfriend jeans, love of vegetarian Indian curries, and preference for Bob Dylan, does not do well on the East Coast, on the outskirts of my husband’s corporate world, where they eat Californians for breakfast. My ICHC outed herself at a little metaphysical bookshop at the beach. We usually go there on our first day at the beach to browse, gong gongs, buy things we don’t need like an “Encouragement Magnetic Poetry Word Kit,” sample the essential oils, do a little Buddha painting, and set the groove for the rest of our week.
Ella and I immediately over-bonded with the woman who works there, a Shamanic drummer who took me aside and said she saw something “powerful and ancient” in Ella’s aura. I agreed with her, of course, which launched us into a huge big hippie-like bonding session. The Shamanic drummer lady and Ella hugged and over-shared with each other, and she gave Ella a crown to wear. Even though Ella seems like more of an East Coaster than any of us, and was born in D.C., she has an inner hippie too, and it’s pretty groovy.
The Shamanic drummer lady and I started talking about the loss of our fathers, somehow, and Amazing Grace came on her stereo played on the bagpipes. This was the very song we had a lone piper play at my Dad’s funeral, and my dad used to take us to that very beach every summer, so I got all teary-eyed and told her this. I told her how my father once brought bagpipes to this same beach and tried to play them on a foggy day in the sand. How I remember the fresh air that day, and the scent of a bonfire. And my dad. (How could anyone hear this song and not get teary-eyed, though?):
As I hiccuped and battled tears of missing my dad the drummer lady talked about synchronicity and told me it was okay to feel my feelings and just cry if I needed to (I didn’t – been on the EC too long). Fiona was doing some Buddha painting nearby and was listening to me over-share with this woman, and I could feel her rolling her tween eyeballs at me. Then – the Shamanic drummer gave me a mama bear hug! and – I hugged her back! This kind of thing never happens in Washington D.C.! As I peered over her patchouli-scented embrace I locked eyes with Fiona, my East Coast tween, who manufactured a dramatic look of disgust. I just smiled a big hippie grin at her, which made her look away.
Anyhoo…
The main reason we come to this store is they have a Sandtray Room of Self Discovery hut just outside the door that anyone can use. 
It’s a room filled with shelves of tiny toys and the kind of trinkets you’d find in a cereal box. You ask your hippie self a question, like: “What am I doing here?”, and then you fill a basket with trinkets you’re drawn to and arrange them on a big sand tray. Then you can tell your story to anyone who wants to listen (Ella’s question wasn’t very metaphysical, it was just, “Will my mom buy me a horse?” – and her story about horses was so long she ended up taking us hostage with it so we had to cut her off). Fiona didn’t ask herself a question, just created an installment she titled, “Clutter,” which reinforced my worry about her tendency to hoard stuffed animals, but that is another post…
The Sandtray Room of Self Discovery is a lovely idea and we spent over an hour inside that little room.
The question I asked myself was, “Where do I belong?…Back home in California, or on the East Coast, or…?” The little figurines I was “drawn to” were Indians, teepees, little Buddhist symbols, and an ambulance. The truth is for me, I don’t feel like the East Coast is where we’re going to put down roots – and yet although my soul feels far more at home in Northern California, I’m not fully sold on the idea of moving back there, either. So where we settle remains a big question mark in the sand tray, but one we need to figure out soon. There is the possibility of my husband taking an international assignment in Asia at some point in the near future – another question mark. (BTW, I posted the question “Would you go if you were me?” about the Asia assignment on my Facebook page, and I was blown away by the number of people – over 100 – who said Yes, GO!. Please go Like my Facebook page if you haven’t already – it’s a vibrant little community of supportive parents…)
So…I learned that my inner hippie chick is still alive and kicking somewhere inside me, all she needs is a whiff of patchouli, a Thick Nat Hahn book,and New Age music and she’s right there. It was really hard to leave San Francisco, my soul’s home, especially the fresh air, and get back on the plane from SFO airport where they have organic produce and real food and hip, ambient music and a yoga room (!) (not that I do yoga, but still!) – to boring old Dulles in DC where there was no music at all. But I’m here now – dreading the grind of the school year, but knowing I’ll get through it with my inner hippie chick by my side.
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I love this sand tray room. When I was taking my counseling courses we fiddled around a bit with sand tray play therapy. It was amazing. I was surprised by the emotions and insights it evoked.
I am from the East Coast and have been transplanted in New Mexico. I don’t feel like I belong in either place anymore. It’s a weird feeling to not know where you belong. It’s almost like you don’t know who you are anymore. It’s amazing what a sense of place can do for your well being. I hope you can choose the right place for you to live so you are happy!
Twitter: ItsADomeLife
Thanks, Lily. (-: Back in the days of yore when I was in therapy I did some sand tray work with a therapist and it was SO enlightening – amazing! And yes it is very strange to be straddling two (or 3, or…?) worlds, not knowing with certainty where home is. but if I were to ask my soul this question the answer would definitely be California. The minute I set foot off the plane in San Francisco, my whole self just goes, “Ahhhh!” – home.
How awesome is the Sand Tray Room?!!! I have an inner hippie chick too…actually she’s kind-of outer too but only with certain people (we could totally be hippie chicks together if (when!) we meet! Talk about astrology, numerology, past lives and auras and all that fun stuff (while burning incense of-course). My parents named me after a month after all. I feel the need to live up to the ‘hippie-ness’ of it.
Twitter: januarydawn1
January, of course you’re a hippie chick! Of course!
I once read all these books and learned to read palms. I totally forgot how hippified that hobby is. (-:
Too many parallels to even start…and we haven’t even spoken since your trip!
If we are true to our inner hippie, why do we long so for west m.c., scented oils and gongs? Why are we not at peace in the now instead of anxious about the future or depressed about the past!? perfect in the zen of now is how we were raised in the land of hot tubs and peacock feathers.
Meditation, candles, ylang-ylang oil (still my fav) are tougher to do solo beyond the shadow of the sleeping lady – yet we persist, because of our inner hippie…I so dig that. Our sandtray in tow differentiates us, at least in our own cluttered minds.
Well, I’ve over-shared but feel better for connecting with that kindred floppy-hat, inner-hippie, hug-a-stranger human spirit who is searching for peace almost directly opposite me on this spaceship rocketing through the stars.
Keep em coming acb….feeds my inner self.
Going to read some dead poems now.
I love-love-loved this comment Mike. You writer, you. You hippie. (-:
Oh, I have long dreamed of fully realizing my ICHC and part of me (despite the cynical east coaster I have become) is convinced I have a thriving parallel soul who chose to move to California after college. That was my plan – I even had a mixed tape of California-related songs by both Joanie Mithchell and some 90s rap group. So, this post totally resonated with me. Maybe it’s easier to be a cynical west coaster than a hippy-ish east coaster?
Twitter: mamzungu
Ha! I think you’re right, and how wise: it is probably easier to be a cynical West Coaster than a marshmallowey, hippie East Coaster! What a great point! (-:
Im glad u outed your inner hippy chick. I love hippy chicks and you’d be shocked how much of your outlook I share despite being born and raised east coast. I am taking a break from laundry and panicking wondering how I’ll find the time and energy to do a house cleansing…cleansing, not cleaning, though diligent cleaning is required in this process. And I thought to myself how crazy the suburban moms around here would think my annual ritual is. But it’s part of my pagan island roots. I might have spent my formative years in a fundamentalist Baptist church, and Im still a Christian, but even then I argued strenuously to make the point that every rock, tree, animal, person has a spirit. I was Ella’s age and just as passionate as she is about making her point. I nearly got tossed out of Sunday School for it but I would not back down. It was an interesting stalemate. At any rate I think no matter where you decide to put down roots, you should always be yourself. You will be surprised to find kindred spirits everywhere you go, so long as you dare to be you and advertise who you truly are. Sigh…and now back to laundry. I can’t believe our babies go back to school tomorrow. And I feel very disoriented and a bit depressed about it, honestly.
I’m feeling the same – back-to-school is a big day for moms, too. You’re not alone!
PS: For your house “cleansing” – you need to burn a smudge stick! It will help rid the house of all the disorientation! (-:
What a fab idea, the sand tray room.
I always knew your had an ICHC.
Twitter: AlisonSWLee
Hey do they have hippies in Malaysia too? I could come visit, start a movement….(-:
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Interestingly, I can identify with your ICHC!!! How much ‘hippie-er’ can one get than having been educated in Berkeley, CA back in the 90s?
We moved away from CA after college, and although we always wished to go back there, it never happened and our roots just sank deeper and deeper here in the midwest. Which is fine, but SF will always remain a very special place in my heart. So, I totally ‘get’ what you’re saying here. And about Asia–I know we wouldn’t be able to uproot and go, but I see that as an unwise inflexibility of our family dynamics. But that’s just us–and not a fitting choice for everyone. (So glad you had a fun trip!)
Twitter: letters_of_muse
Thanks Sandra, you hippie chick. (-: