I haven’t posted in a while.
I’ve been busy. Ahem.
Okay – I’ll admit it. That whole Jerry Springer hullaballoo with the bitchy bloggers that went down last week really put me off blogging. For an entire week.
I just couldn’t stomach all the drama. I felt like I had degraded myself, and my blog – by attracting all that negative rubber-necky attention. It gave me a tummy ache, if you want to know the truth. It felt like I did back in college when I woke up next to someone I shouldn’t have. You know? Squeamish. Yucky.
I brought it all on myself with my post about critical tweens in which I quoted – and yes, judged – the BIBS. I didn’t know how much negativity it would create, though. I had no idea. And conversely, I had no idea how strong – how really very strong – my readership is. But I found out, through all of this. And I was really touched to see that the people who regularly read this blog – and even some of you lurkers, who I love because you are shy, but you read my blog quietly – came out in droves to support me in the comments, or send me emails, or text me, or to send me Twitter messages, of support. That was – well, it was huge. I had no idea, before all this.
Now I do. That was a big gift.
Anyway, I’m back now. The BIBS were big-hearted and took the first step by offering me a virtual olive branch. They even contacted my friend Alison who is my friend and also one of my favorite bloggers, because she had bravely jumped into the fray and defended me on their blog. She also wrote this poetic post, Are You Judging Me? in response to the whole furore. So BIBS asked Alison if she would broker some sort of peace deal. A virtual Camp David. (-:
Alison is such a diplomat, she even has a British accent. She kindly offered to assist in the tricky virtual peace negotiations. Henry Kissinger has nothing on Alison SW Lee! (-;
So BIBS ended up offering me an olive branch on their Facebook page, and in my blog comments.
Just as they did, I was simultaneously living my “real” life and brokering a peace deal between my children, who’d had yet another sibling spat. I was lecturing them in a rather superior, know-it-all manner: “You know,” I said, “part of the process of growing up means being big enough to say you’re sorry…and big enough to accept an apology, to let it go, and move on.”
At the very moment I said those words, I had a cartoon epiphany: I got it. Here I was teaching my kids that mature people know how to apologize and to accept apologies – so I went right to my computer. With great relief I accepted the BIBS apology, apologized for my own B-wordy behavior on this end, let it go, and moved on.
It’s all pretty high school. I had even unfollowed BIBS on Twitter, and they had unfollowed me. But after we kissed and made up I’m pleased to report that we’re both following each other again and are on good terms. We just got caught up in our inner B-words, I guess. I’m not really sure what happened up there in cyber-space, what kind of Genie’s box I opened, or why the whole ordeal was so popular (well, actually I think it was popular for the same reason traffic slows near a crash-site: so the rubberneckers can look at it; the people like me, who are attracted to tabloid things and gore – I know I’m one of the ones who slows down to look!). So anyway, I’m just glad to put the bitchy blogger Genie back in the bottle and close the lid up tightly.
Good riddance to it.
After the “ordeal,” it was timely for me to read Shmutzie’s post, 5 Truths About Blog Comments and Why Quality Is Still King. It made me think about whether I blog for comments, or for another reason. I must admit that during my BIBS ordeal, it was pretty nice to get the massive attention from that blog post, as evidenced in the 109+ comments – but Shmutzie’s post encouraged me to go deeper, to ask myself what am I in it for? That post may have gotten a whole lot of attention – but toddlers get a whole lot of attention for supermarket tantrums, don’t they? Does that mean it’s the kind of attention they really need?
For the first year or so of my blogging I was more invested in the number of comments a post would get than I am now. I also participated in more link-ups than I do now, mainly because link-ups tend to generate more comments, and more community. But – something has shifted, for me. I’m less inclined to use the total number of comments a post gets as a measurement of my “success.” Also, this year I just don’t have the time to read and comment on as many blogs as I did last year, and I’m not able to join as many link-ups, either. I’ve kind of evolved as a blogger, into more of my own personal groove. I’m no longer measuring myself by how many people comment on a post, or by how many unique viewers I get per month, or even how much I’m getting paid for advertising (which isn’t much, I can assure you!).
I’m measuring my success by whether or not I’m writing what I want to write about – and for me, for now, that’s enough.
My husband took this one. I like it because I look happy. And okay, because I got a blow-out at the salon! (-:
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After-Thoughts http://t.co/W47mePFI via @sharethis
Wow. I’m impressed with you, and with them. And I don’t think I was here for the train-wreck-in-progress quality, although some people may have been, but more because, as I get older, I try not to do what I used to do, which is hide my head in the sand over things like this. Instead, I take it as an opportunity to figure out how to speak my opinion respectfully, even if angrily. It’s a really hard thing to do and I frequently end up typing and erasing many, many comments before letting one stand. Anyway, I’m glad the debacle has ended peacefully – and that’s a fabulous picture.
Why, thank you. (-:
Like
Like your Like! (-:
Nice to hear, Ado. I imagine that was a yucky feeling. I felt really judged by their post and I am so glad you stuck up for us, even though it brought you a lot of grief. Glad you are all better for it!
Thanks Theresa. xo
I am so glad. I read both posts and realized that you all are so much better than this. But we have all been there. I have used my blog to vent passively and have hurt people and I feel terrible about that and vow to use my blog only for good now.
Just started reading on your last post. I had taken a sabbatical for a while from blogging, but hope to read more of you!
Kiran
Thanks so much. (-:
Fantastic post. Perfectly said in every way.
And that picture is FABULOUS!
Thank you. (-:
I’ve been doing a lot of link ups too and not that there is anything wrong with them I feel almost trapped by them now. If I don’t do it, do I offend my bloggy friend who hosts the link up? But I have been having this urge to write more personal things, to let some stuff out and I never have the time… seemingly. I really just have to let it go and go for it, I guess.
Go for it. You can link up too *and* go for it. It’s your blog! (-:
Well Said. Well said. I’ve turned more into a “lurker” these days (here and elsewhere) and I realize it is because my blogging goals have changed too. I read more for enjoyment and comment whenever I feel I really have something to add… (not that this adds much
but I did want to make sure I at least told you “well said.”)
It added! It added! (-: Thanks, Kate.
I’m glad you wrote this, because I know how the whole thing made you feel – yucky and squeamish and not “I’m loving this attention, negative or not!”. And I’m glad you’ve decided that this blog is YOURS and your writing goals and blog goals (and ohmygod run on sentence).
You may have noticed I too, don’t join linkups as much (hosting mine once a month is enough, thank you very much!) because I’ve evolved as a blogger too. I think it’s a natural progression. When you’re new, you want to get out there a lot because you need to. When you’ve been there, done that, bought the tee shirt or in your case, attended a blog conference, you tend to take stock and step back.
So glad the whole furore with the BIBS is over. Happy to have helped in any way I could have (and thanks for not telling me to bugger off, busybody).
Alison, I love you. (-:
It is a good thing to reach a peace deal.
Writing the words in your heart, and letting everything else go, is what blogging is really all about. Sometimes I think everything else is just a distraction from our real goals.
That is a very lovely (and happy!) picture of you at the end.
Thanks Tracie. (-:
Good for you. For everyone involved. It’s not easy when things deteriorate to get a hold of it and get back on solid ground.
I used to blog for comments, do link ups, but now I blog for me, I’m perfectly happy with my very small group of bloggers that comment, and I’m okay with those that don’t! I read blogs I enjoy, comment when I feel inspired and don’t comment just to try to get someone to comment back. It was pretty freeing when I reached that point.
Yeah – that’s a good way of putting it: freeing. I think in the first year you really have to hit the pavement and go visit hundreds of blogs so that you can get to know people, and find your way. But there comes a certain point – and I’ve talked to other bloggers who have been around much longer than I have who reached that point too – where you ask yourself, what am I really doing it for? I think it’s fine initially to be fishing for comments even by leaving comments on other blogs so they can get to know you, and by keeping track of how many commented and who etc. – but comes a point…where it becomes a chore. Like you I’m at the point where I only want to comment if I feel I can add something to the conversation, not to say “I’ve been here” – although I still sometimes do that, just because it’s nice. Rambling now…! (-:
Well said and done, mama! While I’m not up to speed on last week’s drama, I love how you realized what you were modeling for your kids and took action with the BIBS people. Sounds like you really made the best out of a tough situation.