It’s always in the car or at bedtime that my kids say the most honest and/or far-fetched things. Maybe this has to do with the fact that at these times I’m not looking directly at my children with the white-hot glare of maternal urgency. I’m either driving – so I’m looking at the road – or it’s bedtime, and it’s dark. I’m sure that since my gaze, which can be pretty intense, is not really involved – they relax a little. They tell me things.
So on the way home from school today, Fiona started imitating people. (Before I continue, you should know that this kid is really very funny.) For example, here is a picture of a costume she picked out for herself:
She didn’t want to dress up as a cheerleader or a vampire – she wanted to dress up as a little old man. It’s just so…her.
Her quirky, offbeat sense of humor is easily one of my favorite things about her. It also enables her to get away with saying a lot more things to adults – because they are so dang funny – than a kid her age normally would. Get away with, that is.
So in the car she says: “When I think of Daddy talking I hear BLAH BLAH BLAH got to jump on a call BLAH BLAH jumping on a call BLAH BLAH jump jump jump BLAH BLAH did you do your practice? BLAH BLAH BLAH violin BLAH BLAH BLAH Mozart BLAH BLAH BLAH piano BLAH BLAH BLAH opera BLAH BLAH BLAH I’ve got to go to the toilet BLAH BLAH BLAH airplane control tower noises on the iPad from inside bathroom BLAH.
But while Daddy’s talking, in my mind what I’m really doing is prancing through a field of unicorns and princes with my pet dog.”
Me: “Really.”
Fiona: (Big smile.)
“When I hear Ella talking all I hear is BLAH BLAH BLAH that isn’t fair BLAH BLAH elephants BLAH BLAH BLAH can I tell you something? BLAH BLAH can I ask you a question? BLAH BLAH BLAH where is Pippi? BLAH BLAH BLAH I want a dog BLAH BLAH get me a dog BLAH BLAH I want a dog you promised me a dog BLAH BLAH BLAH what about a hamster? BLAH BLAH why can’t our parents be animal rescuers like Veronica’s parents? why do they have to be DOG-HATERS? BLAH BLAH BLAH elephants BLAH BLAH why can’t we adopt Veronica’s greyhound? BLAH BLAH elephants BLAH.”
Pippi, the dog that became our nightmare. I’ll write about it in another post.
“When I hear you talking, Mommy…”
Me: “I’m afraid, Fiona. I’m not sure I want to hear this.”
Fiona: “Oh, be afraid. Be very, very afraid.”
Me: “Go on.”
Fiona: “When Mommy talks all I hear is BLAH BLAH BLAH vaginas BLAH BLAH BLAH politics BLAH BLAH.”
“And: BLAH BLAH BLAH blog blog blog BLAH BLAH stay like that I want to take your picture BLAH BLAH BLAH where is my iPhone? BLAH BLAH someone moved my iPhone BLAH BLAH BLAH who took my iPhone?? BLAH BLAH blaming me for taking your iPhone BLAH BLAH oh, sorry! here it is in my back pocket! BLAH BLAH BLAH oh, no! I dropped my iPhone into the toilet again! BLAH BLAH BLAH.”
Me: “Is potty humor big with tweens these days?”
Fiona: (ignoring me) “But when you and Ella are talking I’m not really listening. I’m in my field of unicorns, prancing.”
Ella: “It doesn’t matter because I’ve got my own field of unicorns, you know.”
Me: “I don’t want to rain on your parade, girls – but I’ve got one, too.”
Fiona: “Really? Do you have unicorns in your field?”
Me: “My field doesn’t have any unicorns.”
Fiona: “What’s in your field?”
Me: “Not telling. But I’m pretty sure that everyone has their own field of unicorns.”
Ella: “But if Fiona has a field of unicorns, and you and I have one – are any of us ever really listening to anyone else?” (-:
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Smart girl, that Ella!
I LOVE unicorns. I’ll have to try it when someone is talking to me about something I don’t like. Thanks Ella!
She says you’re very welcome – and to tell you that she also has bunnies, in her field.
Mike just asked me if I had seen your blog today. Lol no I was too busy catering to that diva greyhound. Make sure you share with Fi and Ella my email with them about that dog. Our dog is not too bright by the way. We have a problem when we walk her near some saplings along part of our regular path she stops to stick her head into every burlap covering on each tree. She is looking for Kibble! After three years you would think she would know by now that Santa did not leave bags of kibble wrapped around tree trunks.
Your husband and mine sound about the same. Right down to iPad sounds coming from the bathroom.
Hilarious conversation. Your girls are such insightful commentators on the human condition.
I don’t have a field of unicorns. I have a kick ass spaceship. And robots, lots and lots of awesome robots!
Heh! Space ships, unicorns – whatever works. (-:
I forgot. I am always losing my iPhone too. I haven’t dropped it down the toilet yet but it did almost go into the litterbox I was cleaning. I tend to leave it all over the house. Our old sofas love to eat it, too.
The answer, Ella, is no. No one is really listening to anyone. Generally when people talk, all I hear is blah blah blah. Which is why I blog and read.
HAHAHAHAHA!
This made me belly-laugh.
I don’t know why, either – because it’s really true: none of us are really listening, are we? (-:
It’s true, no one is listening to anyone, UNTIL THE IPHONE IS GONE! My boyfriend, didn’t drop his in the toilet, (he wish it was so simple) he ran his over with his car. Hahahha. I will have to say, the smart people, were able to retrieve all his contact information off of it. Never mind he had to back track himself, for a good 90 mins and was a grump! So there are moments where out of the field!
Yeah, sometimes I pine for the days before iPhones, iPods, Macs…days when people had actual face to face conversations.
But then I get ahold of myself. (-;
PS: Can’t believe he ran over it with the car!
Just started reading your blog, your daughters are beautiful. I’m going through a tough time, my mother was diagnosed with bile duct cancer so I’ve moved back home to help her. I came across your post on Hayden. How is the little guy doing?
Hi Harmeen,
I’m so sorry to hear that – glad you found my blog! Hayden has been doing really well since he returned from the hospital and is attending school every day and getting out. But on that note I think it’s time for another update on Hayden so I’ll find out from Megan if we can do another post on how things are going. Thanks for asking, I will pass this along to Megan for you. (-:
You take care. xo
That’s just wonderful. Any good news these days gives me some hope for my mom, Glad to hear that Hayden is well. I get to go home for a bit next week, can’t wait to see my son and hubby. It’s been a long two months.
I have a field too!! No unicorns though!! Your girls are hilarious!
Okay, mine is really a field full of Ryan Goslings. (-:
Kids are NUTS.
My gravest concern is that if unicorns don’t exist anymore, what fields are you guys dancing in? And like, are you guys all hogging the freaking unicorns or something. I object!
I don’t know. I’m feeling kind of cheated.
blah, blah, blah,
Kiran
Kiran…I just confessed that my fields are full of Ryan Goslings. (-:
Holy smack a pony – Fiona is HILARIOUS! (and my field is full of Ryan Goslings as well. Hell yes they are!)
OMG!! She had me howling!! Blah Blah Blah…vagina…blah blah blah…blog blog blog…..if you ever wanna know about yourself just ask a daughters opinion!! Yours is hilarious!! What a great gift!!
[...] my last post I alluded to the fact that I, too, have a field of proverbial unicorns I go to in my head when the [...]
Love this! Between unicorns and Ryan Gosling, I’m good to go. Bring on the chatter, people! Ella is my hero!
Thanks, Mary – I will let her know!
[...] that field of unicorns you visit instead of listening when others are talking? No? You don’t know what you’re missing! Momalog and her hilarious daughter will [...]
this is hilarious. I love the costume she picked out and your girl has no filter, i love it =)