Today: What I Did, Percentage-wise
But first! Come on over and Like my Facebook page!
- Hunting down other people’s hats, gloves, scarves, socks, and other shit I shouldn’t have to 11%
- Schlepping children “to” in minivan 97.4%
- Schlepping children “fro” in minivan 97.4%
- Tailgating other moms 97.4%
- Listening to bullshit children’s movie on DVD in minivan instead of NPR because I am a pushover 97.4% x 2
- Cursing myself for not being more me-centered 97.4%
- Repeating self 46%
- Wondering if I have early-onset Alzheimer’s because I’m repeating self 47%
- Waiting for kids 99%
- Waiting out in the cold during kids’ extracurricular activities and cursing self 34%
- Waiting out in the cold during kids’ extracurricular activities and cursing self while mentally calculating how much money said activity costs and how many times we have had to miss because we are over-scheduled 43%
- Stamping out sibling squabbles 2% (not bad)
- Barking at people 9%
- Hovering 11%
- Nagging 8%
- Telling people to “turn it down” 4%
- Worrying about what we’ll do if they don’t get into an Ivy League college 0.1%
- Worrying about the fact that my husband is a Tiger Mom 45%
- Reminding people to say please and thank you 56%
- Discussing the potty (do you have to go? shouldn’t you go? did you flush? did you wash your hands after flushing? etc.) 89%
- Searching for more of other people’s shit 67%
- Spending quality time with my husband 0.1%
- Watching Downton Abbey 0.000%
- Exercising -0.6%
- Sneak-eating animal products behind my husband’s back because we’re supposed to be following a vegan diet 9%
- Playing short-order cook for people 99%
- Muttering “I’m not your sherpa” 5%
- Grumbling about people’s freedom of choice 33%
- Continuing to explain communism to Ella because now that I’ve told her about it she’s become paranoid that it will happen to us 16%
- Sniffing contents of “old” lunch boxes to see which ones are rotting 23%
- Listening to Ella’s Mythie munch faux food on Jumpstart 15%
- Worrying that the name of Ella’s Mythies all sound like strippers: Rainbow Mist, Sky Meadow, Stephanie Wonderswan
- Worrying that I’m a bad mother because I let Ella do Jumpstart 15%
- Thinking up witty status updates for Facebook 4%
- Tweeting 2%
- Procrastinating 99.999%
*Note: I know that the percentages don’t add up – that’s the point! It’s impossible to quantify motherhood in a single day!
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This Is Why I Have Brain Damage
Thank you – this made me laugh out loud! I really needed it! I don’t believe you left anything out either!!
So glad – I needed it too! (-:
I love this!
The one about your husband being Tiger Mom – too funny.
I’m always looking for other people’s shit. What’s that saying? Things are not really lost until Mom can’t find it?
Twitter: AlisonSWLee
I have a really effed-up theory on why I personally continue to be “the searcher” / “the finder of lost things” in the house even though people are old enough to hunt down their own stuff – subconsciously it makes me feel needed. As they all grow up and away from me. Sniff-sniff.
Today: What I did, Percentage-Wise http://t.co/EdphJaNH #parenting #motherhood
lmao! I must remember “I’m not your Sherpa!” GREAT line!!! Thank you for the stress relieving laugh.
Twitter: ttoombs08
Thanks!
“Thinking up witty status updates for Facebook 4%” hahaha! Ado, you are the best!
Twitter: auntiejanola
Thanks Alexandra. In truth, though, that one’s way more than 4%. (-: