OK, ohmyGod: they’ve started an Occupy Movement in Fiona’s room.
In yesterday’s post I talked bragged about how I posted some new house rules for my children on the stairway where they can seem ‘em every morning when they come downstairs. I talked about how, three days in, things at our house were finally running smoothly. In the interest of transparency here on the blog, I feel I need to tell you that this morning, things have taken a turn for the worse.
Fiona has asked/pestered/attempted to bribe/cajoled/and tried to negotiate getting me (“Old Softy”) to cave in and let her use the computer (even though she has only done her piano practice, and not her violin, and she says she’s done some reading but all she did was pick up a Spider Man comic book and pose with it for several minutes while begging for the computer). She has done this 40 times and it’s only 9 A.M. Worse, the girls have staged what they are calling an “Occupy Fiona’s Room” movement – they are holed up in her bedroom, writing things down.
(Update, a little while later.)
Oh my God, they have written down their demands. They are organizing. I found this note on the stairs, below my New House Rules poster:
They are growing in stealth and power. This can’t be good.
THEY THINK THEY HAVE RIGHTS!
This must be quashed!
They want me to amend the House Rules so that they can use the computer after doing two things, not three, “so they don’t get bored”: piano and violin or piano and reading, or violin and reading etc.
I went into Fiona’s room and they were sitting near the swing chair like two subversives, in a somewhat sarcastic and – yes – revolutionary manner, surrounded by pens and paper – drafts of things. They had a contract with places for signatures!
Me: “I can be flexible if you can be reasonable. You want me to amend the rules?”
Fi: “Don’t use big words, Mommy.”
Me: “Amend means to change. You want me to capitulate?”
Fi: “Big words. Sign.”
I feel like I’ve been trapped in an elevator all morning with a used car salesman. My brain is starting to hurt and I can feel myself starting to get all marshmallowey, to capitulate.
You know what I did?
I capitulated. I signed the amended contract.
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My children’s response to my rules for screen time: OCCUPY Fiona’s Room http://t.co/o9LPG8KtXx
My favorite memories with my brother growing up were always when we joined forces against my parents. It’s a beautiful part of having a sibling. =)
Susan, that’s such a good point. When I used to have the TV I would watch Super Nanny and one of the things she had families do to bond was to pair the kids “against” the parents in games. I remember being impressed with how it worked.
AWESOME! I love your girls! You can tell them I had to look up capitulate
“Rools”! Haha oh, F&E, you may make your mum crazy but you surely make me smile from ear to ear all day long!
I know – terrible spelling! (-: Thanks Alexandra
Well, this is an interesting development! I thought about you admiringly today because we are having the same problem in my house, but I haven’t had the guts to make hard line rules because I am not confident in my ability to enforce them. I am very curious about what the amended rules say, and how it all works out.
OMG, Maria, don’t do what I did – don’t sign the “amended contract!” I have had to move everything back to the original “rools” because what they were really doing here was negotiating, not merely asking me to be flexible – and they were right back at it so I had to stop them today and say “the rule is: get all your stuff done, and only afterwards can you “watch something”.” Oh it has been hard, especially yesterday. My advice to you is: if you do it, stick to your guns, know it’ll probably get worse before it gets better.
I will say though that there has been a lot more reading going on…
YOU caved!!
Okay, I probably would have too, out of sheer awe at their determination.
I know! But now it’s back to square one: I realized my mistake and we have gone back the the original rules. Oy vey, what a week whataweekWHATAWEEK!
When my children were younger (the youngest is now 18), if they said a rule was unfair, I used to tell them to write down their arguments against it and come up with an alternative that we both might agree on. It worked really well. The way I figured it, they were learning negotiation skills, using writing skills, and learning compromise. In the end, about half the time, the rule was amended to something in the middle of what they proposed and the rule they were arguing on. The other times it went one way or the other. Children are born negotiators
Tracy – that is such a good parenting idea, I’m going to start doing that regularly. I wonder – did your children grow up to become attorneys or negotiators, or to study debate or anything like that?! (-:
No, not attorneys…. My oldest (26) is a mechanical engineer. My middle (23) works at Starbucks and my youngest is still a senior in high school. They do, however, advocate well for themselves and don’t get pushed around by authority figures like doctors. My middle kept breaking out in hives and the first time she was prescribed steroids to get rid of them. She hated it. The next time she was “NOT GOING TO TAKE STEROIDS” (her words) if there was any other option. The dr. told her that is the first line of treatment. She told the dr…. “Then I’ll try the second line of treatment.” When I was her age, as little as I liked the treatment, I would have just went with it since “the doctor knows what he is doing.” BTW, she now has them under control with a combination of other drugs with minimal side effects.
Good for you. (-: (PS: Mechanical engineering, wow.) And your daughter sounds like my daughter Ella only grown up – she has her own voice. Very powerful. Give yourself a pat on the back for some good parenting. (-:
It doesn’t get any easier with age…In fact maybe worse. My kids are adults with their own homes and they still “negotiate” me in too things lol. Loved the post as usual…glad to get a visit with you again.
I keep telling myself it’ll get easier but…truth is the ARE growing in stealth and power. I can only IMAGINE them when they’re fully grown and totally in command of themselves, all the negotiating and power-brokering…!
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